One and the Same
by CircusPuppy
Summary: Sheik and Zelda are good at putting on a show. They're good at being pretty Princess Zelda, and then deranged Sheik to deal a final blow. Neither are good at keeping the same body. Sheik splits and the two are stuck in the mansion trying to keep up the appearance that Zelda and her insane alter ego, are one and the same. Ike doesn't believe it.
1. Seperate

**I'll leave the Author's note at the end for you guys.**

**Sheik POV**

I am Sheik. I am not Zelda, I am wild and unforgiving and hateful and powerful and unbroken.

I am not conceited, believe you that. But I am always honest. Usually. Most of the time. When it serves me best.

I'm going to lay this out straight right now. Zelda is not me, and I am not Zelda. Zelda is beautiful and proper and delicate. And I love her. And I hate her.

I am not beautiful or proper or delicate. And Zelda loves me. But does not hate me.

We have an understanding you see. We show up in the mornings at the mansion as Zelda. Only sometimes do we convince ourselves that it's safe for me to roam around the Smash house as long as we know that most if not all the brawlers are concentrated in one area, like the arena.

We put on a show. Pretty, innocent Zelda gracing the mansions and quiet insane Sheik only showing up sporadically and rarely in a brawl, bought out to deliver a killing blow then reeled back in as if I never happened.

This is fine, I am alright with this. In fact I'm happy with this arrangement. Because when the brawlers go to sleep, when Master Hand has finally laid to rest we split. Because the night is mine.

Zelda lets me out. It is in these brief moments that we see each other. Zelda is angelic in the silvery moonlight, and I am harsh and nightmarish in the hard steel the moon loves me with. I open the door and step out, so quiet I don't exist, and Zelda closes it when I turn my back, like the wind opened the door.

**Omniscient (?) POV **

Brawl is infamous. Everyone loves the smashers, every smasher has fans and every fan has a favorite smasher. There were jersey's, fandoms, clubs, everything. All brawlers liked it, some said they didn't but they did.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl was the belle of the ball, the stadium of the world.

Sheik didn't mind Brawl.

But Sheik loved to fight.

Sheik loved no rules, no restrictions, no safety regulations, everything that was illegal was legal. Fighting, _real_ life and death fighting was not for everybody, it was most definitely not for the world. Fighting was about pain and suffering and the blood lust. Sheik played for keeps because keeps meant your life.

Sheik would leave the mansion at night and visit her favorite underground fighting rink: Shadow Brawl, where you fought for your life, honor, respect and most importantly bragging rights, but you played with your blood and your sweat and your hate.

Plenty of which Sheik had. The only ones who knew of these underground rinks were the fighters, the prostitutes, the illegal dealers, the assassins, the die-hards and of course, like Sheik, the outcasts.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl belongs to Princess Zelda. And Shadow Brawl belongs to Sheik. Zelda gets the day and Sheik gets the night. Sheik was fine with this. There were more shadows at night anyways.

Welcome to Shadow Brawl.

**Smash Mansion**

It was Tuesday night, it was raining outside, and everyone including Sonic was asleep, the wind raged outside, lightning lashed out at the sky and Zelda could see herself flinch in the mirror reflecting the abrupt flash. Zelda frowned and looked at the digital clock, an amazing trinket, maybe not as comforting as her sun dials, but amazing all the same.

It was very late. Three in the morning late. Sheik was usually always back by two-thirty. Zelda frowned again, she was being paranoid. Sheik was a smart girl, she was able, much more powerful then she let on in brawls. Sheik could handle Sheik. Zelda did not reassure herself. Sheik had told her she had a fight today, like she almost always did, but she never said anything about being late.

_Compose yourself_. Zelda though firmly…_Ohmygoddesses. Sheik probably got raped and then killed, oh no no no, what if I should go look for her? What if I don't find her? What if I do find her but she's dead? Should I bring a blanket? What if something finds me? Does the bogeyman still exist? What if I leave and she comes back but I'm still gone? What if that creaky noise my bed makes is actually a monster, what if it ate Sheik when I wasn't looking? Oh my goddess. The bed ate Sheik._

Zelda was normally a very composed person. But on a stormy night, when waiting for an alter ego who was actually a completely different person and just so happens to be partaking in illegal activities and hasn't showed up yet when she should have an hour ago, composure doesn't sit well.

So when the door slid open quietly and a nimble figure slipped through, Zelda shrieked, "The bed!"

Sheik, not expecting Zelda to scream, leapt a foot in the air thinking someone had seen them. Red eyes flashed to every corner and in less than ten seconds assured their owner that the room was secure.

"The bed?" the quiet, husky, hypnotically melodic voice asked. The cowl hid Sheik's reluctant smile. "Do you want me to check for monsters Princess?"

"Goddess." Zelda said, her face white, annoyance beginning to set in. "Where were you?"

Sheik didn't get to answer because the door burst open and in a show of incredible flexibility and incredible speed, Sheik dodged and leapt into the air. Her feet turned out and flush with the top of the door frame, her arms pushing against the ceiling to keep her in place.

Link was standing at the foot of Zelda's bed. Sword drawn, face fierce, breathing heavy, and boxers backwards, leaving Sheik to glare at the peephole before turning her head, refusing to be disrespected by an unaware Link.

Beside the Hero of Time was Marth sword also drawn, boxers thankfully covered by pajama bottoms, along with the blue-haired prince was Pit who shared the room with the three other swordsmen. One of which hadn't bothered to come running in for Zelda.

"Princess?" Marth asked, his tone worried and sincere.

"Zelda?" Link asked stepping in front of Marth and Pit to hide Zelda's indecency. Sheik smirked, Zelda had a sheet covering her. Link was an idiot. Chivalry was dead.

"Bed?" Pit asked, his hair rumpled and an enormous light blue t-shirt draping over his small frame. Sheik knew that under the innocent garb was hard-earned muscle. Pit was not innocent. He may have been naïve but he was not innocent.

"I'm terribly sorry." Zelda said, a sheepish smile causing her cheeks to lift sweetly, "It was nothing, a childish nightmare. Please, go back to bed, I'll be fine."

"Zelda are you sure?" Link asked looking worried, "Do you want me to check? I could stay here if you like."

"No really." Zelda said. Sheik could hear the small hint of panic in her voice, "I insist that you return to you room, I am fine."

"Really Princess, we could take a look if you wish." Marth reached out a hand and pulled Pit away from the wardrobe. It was not gentlemanly to look through a lady's clothes.

Sheik couldn't resist, "Please take a look around, Zelda's afraid of the dark." She hissed quietly, so quiet it could have been the wind.

Link's eyes widened considerably his mouth agape.

Marth wielded his sword fiercely, wondering where the voice came from.

Pit didn't bother with theatrics and ran for the door. He was out the door and in his room in mere seconds. Sheik admired his speed momentarily, she then directed her eyes at Zelda, knowing the princess could feel her looking.

"What voice?" Zelda asked, "Please, you're all just tired. Go, rest, I insist."

Link stared uncertainly at her, Marth likewise. Zelda felt Sheik's glare. The ninja girl was tired, and Sheik had no qualms against splashing some blood around.

"I insist." Zelda said firmly, making to get up.

"We'll be going." Link said, shoving the prince behind him and out the door, averting his eyes from what he was sure was Zelda in her pajamas, in his mind reminiscent of a French maid outfit. Blushing fiercely he slammed the door shut and from the corner of her eye Zelda saw a shadow slink down from her perch.

Zelda's eyes widened, she hadn't seen Sheik move from the door to the corner of her room.

"That was rash you know." Zelda said standing up, her pajamas not anything like a maid's attire.

"Sorry, I had a good night." Sheik shrugged, not sorry at all. Remembering the sound her fist made as it cracked against her opponent's cheekbone. The left side of his skull was shattered and Sheik smiled behind her cowl again, a wide smile that earned a gleam in her eye and a shiver from the girl facing her.

"I meant you speaking."

"I can speak." Sheik responded, her voice quiet but abrasive.

"I know you can speak." Zelda said, "But with them here you shouldn't."

Sheik shrugged again. "Hurry up. I'm tired and my fist hurts like a bitch."

A ball of magic formed between the two girls and Sheik felt the light creep onto her body unwelcomed and intrusive. The light intensified and Sheik dissolved into thin air, wisps of magic trailing out of Zelda.

The elfin queen shook her head, a bemused smile on her lips, only Sheik had the dare to talk to her like that.

**Morning**

"I'm telling you man!" Link said his arms waving over his head, "There was a voice in Zelda's room!"

Falco shook his head. "Dude you're drunk go back to sleep."

"I'm not drunk!"

"A voice?" The beaked man looked at Link. "A voice? Come on man, you're just saying that to justify visiting Zelda in the middle of the night."

Marth laughed. Falco raised his eyebrows at the blue prince, "You went to huh?"

"No." Marth glared, his laughter stopped.

"Cease your lies! You miscreant!" Pit yelled around a mouth of frothy toothpaste, poking at Marth's reflection through the mirror with his equally frothy toothbrush.

"Shut up Pit." Falco said absentmindedly. Turning to Link and Marth he said, "So you expect me to believe that you, Pit and Marth went to Zelda's room last night, did not get some, did not see an 'indecent' princess, but did hear a voice."

The three swordsmen nodded.

"You all disgust me." Falco crossed his arms and turned his gaze to the fourth occupant of the room. Ike, quiet and lacing up his shoes. "And you? You didn't go."

"No." Ike said.

"Why not?"

"Princess Zelda is not a damsel in distress." Ike said, his eyes emotionless, "And the voice was nothing to worry about."

"You didn't hear it!" Pit said his wings flapping and toothpaste on his shirt, "It was there like: Check in the closet little angel boy so I can grab you and send you into the dark pits little angel boy where I shall rip you limb from limb little angel boy!" Pits fingers moved and his wings flapped some more, "Oooooooooo aaaaaaaaaahhh, little angel boy I shall tear you to pieces!" His eyes intent. "That was somethin to worry about!"

Ike did nothing but Falco stared aghast, "You _disturbing_ little angel boy."

"Maybe the voice was Sheik's." Ike said, his tone bored, like he was.

Link chuckled and Ike's head snapped up. The mercenary was used to being right, he was used to being complimented for his sharp wit, even if the answer was obvious. He was most definitely not expecting someone to laugh.

"That's impossible." Link explained, "Zelda and Sheik are the same people. Alter ego's maybe, but the same people. Even Zelda's magic can't put her in more than one at the same time."

"They're the same person?" Ike asked surprised. In the fleeting instances when Ike had seen Sheik in Brawl, she looked savage and untamed, as if she could be a mercenary like him, not prim and pretty Princess Zelda. He thought perhaps, Sheik was a sister or a magical entity. He couldn't bring himself to believe Sheik was Zelda.

"Yep." Link said matter-of-factly, "She actually sorta scares me, but when I remember its Zelda, eh, it's not so frightening."

"Sheik's scary as fuck." Falco said bluntly.

"I know." Link smiled, "I just thought to instil false hope in Ike that Sheik was a charitable person with good will towards animals and pleasant intentions towards humanity."

"She stuck a needle in my butt." Pit said seriously looking at Ike, his voice solemn, "It was swollen for days."

Marth gagged, "Pit."

"Yes?"

"Please stop."

"I'm not kidding! It was huge! Link called me bubble-butt for weeks!"

"Bubble-butt." Link said, smiling fondly.

"She's not around often." Falco told Ike, "Zelda's usual cheerful, so her alter ego doesn't make a lot of appearances, only when she's mad."

Ike nodded unperturbed, "So Sheik isn't worth worrying about."

Falco smirked, "Hope you don't have to meet her. Zelda's nice. But when Sheik's up and running. Goddamn. Stay the fuck out of her way or get your balls blown off."

"She's never blown off my balls." Pit said, "Why would she do that? That's awful. I _need_ these guys"

"Samus has tried." Marth said mildly, polishing his sword more out of habit then anything.

Falco shrugged. "Sheik. Samus. Balls. Same thing. Hurts like hell when they blow up." Falco got up and walked to the door.

"Has it ever happened to you?" Pit asked wide-eyed, following Falco.

"Oh yeah, happened in a plane crash. Shrapnel. Shredded 'em. Hurts to think of how my pride and dignity died with them that day."

"That's terrible." Pit said sadly.

"It is." Falco said, his face brave, "But I learned that you don't need balls to be a man. And moving on is the strongest thing you can do."

"That's amazing." Pit said, "Is it true?"

"No it's not true!" Falco snapped, "Of course you need balls to be a man, damn, Pit." Falco headed off down the hallway leaving the boy staring at his back.

The angel returned to the room. "I feel so bad for him." Pit said, his face mournful, "He's probably so touchy because he doesn't have balls."

**A little later. At Breakfast.**

Zelda walked down the stairs coming in sight of the breakfast hall. Everything was relatively quiet, so she assumed everyone was at breakfast. The princess vaguely toyed with the idea of letting Sheik out to go train while everyone was at breakfast, but that was risky. Especially after last night.

Pushing open the door Zelda walked by Sonic and Captain Falcon butting heads over who was faster. Past Kirby who swallowed an enormous plate of pancakes. She finally arrived at the table Samus was sitting at. The Zero Suit girl acknowledged the princess with a smile before gnawing on a strip of bacon.

Zelda had just sat down when Peach rushed up in a hurl of pink and blond and giggles. "Zelda! You had some gentlemanly visitors last night?" More giggles.

Samus choked on her bacon.

Zelda blushed furiously, "It was nothing, just a dream." She muttered.

More giggles.

Samus snorted.

Zelda glared at the girl across from her. Samus shrugged. "Hey, three guys? You? Didn't know you had it in ya."

More giggles.

"It was nothing like that." Zelda said hotly. She could feel a slight vibration in her chest, no doubt Sheik had woken up, just in time to hear Samus and chuckle. The ninja girl wouldn't let it rest for weeks to come.

Zelda blinked in surprise. Normally Sheik was good with pretending to be dormant. Never affecting Zelda in any way. But she felt Sheik snicker as if she herself did. Zelda was about to make an excuse and run up to the privacy of her room (she thanked the goddess that her room was a single bunk), when loud laughing came from Ike, Marth, Pit, Link, Toon Link, Falco and Fox who slipped into the seats next to them in a rough tumble boy mess.

Samus rolled her eyes and snagged a few strips of bacon before heading off to wherever she hung out on Wednesdays without Zelda. Somewhere in the back of the mansion with Snake, Zelda secretly suspected. Peach however, straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, "Boys. Who's been visiting my Zelda?"

Fox's head snapped up, "What?"

A light blush spread over Pit's cheeks. The pink princess saw it and pounced. Peach simpered, "Pit?"

"Yes, Peach?" the angel asked softly.

"Where were you last night?"

"My…bed."

"Zelda's bed." Falco coughed.

"Pit!" Peach gasped.

"Marth and Link were there to!" Pit cried defensively.

"How vulgar." Peach turned to the Altean Prince and the Hero of Time.

"I wasn't in Princess's Zelda's bed!" Marth said his hands held up in surrender.

"I wish I was in Zelda's bed, but she already knows that." Link shrugged, clearly unbothered.

Zelda smiled weakly. Sheik was amused by this, Zelda could feel it. She could feel Sheik's emotions like it was a separate entity next to her heart. _Sheik_ wanted to laugh but Zelda was afraid she would cry.

"Zelda?" Peach asked, "Are you okay?"

Zelda opened her mouth to answer but a voice interrupted her. "Who is Sheik?"

Ike the mercenary spoke. Zelda frowned at their close proximity, Ike was directly across from her and leaning in. The rest of the boys were still teasing Peach so Zelda was left to fend Ike off alone. The princess flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave him her most charming smile. Sparkling eyes and everything.

"What do you mean? Sheik and I are the same." The butterflies in Zelda's stomach were making her squirm, this was uncomfortable.

"Really?" Ike said unconvinced.

"Really." Zelda said sweetly. Her stomach roiled painfully.

"Are you okay Princess?" Ike asked, not looking concerned at all.

"I'm fine Ike." Zelda clenched her teeth in a grin as stabbing pains went through her chest. She could feel Sheik's surprise to, obviously the Sheikah wasn't causing all this.

"You don't look okay." Ike said suspiciously.

"I'm _fine_." The voice that snapped out was not Zelda's. It was huskier, beautiful but angry. It was Sheik's. Ike's eyes widened momentarily in abject surprise. Zelda's stared at him shocked, "I'm sorry Ike, I-I-I didn't get enough sleep last night…In fact I'm going to make it up right now!"

Zelda flashed him a smile, shrugged of Peach, ignored Link and sprinted up to her room, pain erupting everywhere.

Zelda collapsed on her bed, hands around her stomach as she curled into a ball and clenched her eyes in pain.

Zelda moaned quietly. Sheik gnashed Zelda's teeth. The elfin princess fought through the pain, flipping through her mental files of magic. What was happening?

_What the hell is going on?_ Sheik hissed.

_I don't know._ Zelda whimpered.

Zelda's mouth opened in a wordless cry of pain, she felt like half her body was being split in half. Dots began to pierce Zelda's vision and then everything went white.

**5….10…15…minutes later**

Ice cold water hit Zelda full on and the elegant princess bolt up ready to scream at someone. Blue eyes met red. Zelda's eyes magnified to the size of dinner plates and then she fainted again.

Sheik rolled her eyes and grabbed the second pitcher of water, which she had the foresight to grab. With great relish Sheik held out her hand, twisted her wrist and watched Zelda get soaked, again. Zelda sat up looking at Sheik her eyes in total panic. The Sheikah stared back down at Zelda. Her lithe form clad in her normal blue, her face hidden behind layers of bandages and one blood-red eye staring at Zelda, unmoving, unnerving and predatory.

"Oh my goddesses." Zelda whispered, staring up at her alter ego, who by the way, was in a completely separate body.

Sheik grinned. A manic gleam in her crimson eye.

"We are in so much trouble."

"Trouble?" Sheik said, shifting her weight to her right foot, and lifting her elbow to rest her face on her palm. "This is gonna be fun."

**So, hi. Um. Sheik is pretty badass, and she doesn't really have a lot of stories out there, so I thought I'd contribute. **

**Constructive criticism is welcome, I appreciate you reading this story. Of course I don't own anything, if I did I'd be a freaking billionaire. **

**This chapter is pretty slow, my humor has most likely failed, but next chapter will definitely be better. Don't worry Sheik will spend more time at Smash mansion then at Shadow Brawl, I'll put up maybe a few of her fights but I'll keep the plot setting at something everyone knows about, cuz well, Shadow Brawl is fake. **

**I am using Sheik as a girl because in SSBB she not only has a braid but, ahem, some serious curves, so yeah. Also Sheik and Zelda are separate people, and I know that other people have their opinions about the whole Zelda/Sheik thing which I respect, but Sheik's her own in this fic.**

**Please Review, you guys are what makes writing these stories worth it. **


	2. Meet Sheik

Zelda paced the room. Her brow furrowed and her bottom lip between her teeth.

The Sheikah who was lounging on the other side of the room, smirked, enjoying the sensation of owning her own body and doing what she willed. Sheik tilted her head back and let the sun hit her face. Except for brief moments in a Brawl during the day when Zelda let her out, she had never felt the sun. Sheik didn't realize how much she missed it.

"We have to figure out how to get you back." Zelda said finally.

"I don't want to go back." Sheik said, just for the sake of an argument.

"What?" Zelda asked, "Why not?"

"I just don't wanna go back."

"If you stay, you'll have to talk to Master Hand."

"And?"

"You'll have to _interact_ with _people_."

"Put me back." Sheik sat up.

"I don't know _how_."

Zelda saw the eye Sheik showed through her hair roll, "Look, it's not that bad. We just do what we always do. You walk around and I show up when you need something bad to happen."

"Sheik. I have a Brawl in an hour. What if I need you?"

Sheik leveled her cool crimson eye at Zelda's wide blue ones. "You'll manage."

"Zelda!" The door slammed open and a haggard Link rushed through looking haggard, "Zelda! I saw you run up the stairs and—"

Link saw Zelda standing by the bed and sitting on a love seat looking like she wouldn't give a fuck if the world ended was Sheik. Sheik. Zelda's alter ego. She-fucking-eek.

Link pointed a quivering finger at Sheik and looked at Zelda, "Sh…..Sh…" He saw a blur of blue and his world went black.

**Approximately ten seconds later**

Zelda had her hands on her hips. Glaring at Sheik, "That was not necessary."

"It wouldn't' have happened if you had locked the door." The Sheikah was leaning against the now locked door and was poking Link with her toe, a curious but detached look on the parts where her face was showing.

"Funny, I don't remember Link being so annoyingly stupid."

"He's not stupid. He's just…..an idiot at times."

Link moaned.

"I think he's coming to." Zelda said smiling.

"Zelda….I had the weirdest dream…Sheik….she was in the same room….but so were you….Tell me it wasn't Sheik tell me it was just another ninja with a really nice butt….."

"I. Have. A. Nice. Butt?" Sheik bent down to look the elf in the eye. Link let out a strangled girlish yelp.

"Ohmygod." The blond elf babbled. "Ike was right, you are different people."

"Ike?" Zelda asked her eyes wide. "He knows." Sheik stood up straight, not really worried. Just interested.

"You're a different person?" Link asked dumbfounded.

"What are we going to do?" Zelda asked turning to Sheik.

"I could kill him." Sheik shrugged.

"You're a different person."

"Sheik killing is immoral."

"I'd only kill him a little bit."

"No killing, what else can we do?"

"Mm. I could erase his memory for him."

"You can do that!?"

"You're a different person."

"Sure I can do it."

"How?"

"I'll just hit him on the head somewhere."

"Do you know where?"

"You're a different person."

"Trial and error, I'll start with the frontal lobe first."

"Sheik."

"Zelda."

"You're a different person."

Zelda smacked Link on the head. The great Hero of Time slumped back to the ground. Sheik nodded at Zelda, "Good thing you did it. I would've killed him."

"I don't doubt it."

"Well now Link knows."

"Yes he does."

"Can we kill _him_?"

Zelda rubbed her temples, "Don't tempt me." The princess began to pace again. "My match is now in thirty minutes."

"Who are you playing?"

"Umm….Marth and Ike." Zelda suddenly looked guiltily at Link.

"What?" Sheik demanded. "What?"

"It's a team brawl. Link is on my team."

Sheik shrugged. "Have fun."

"Sheik I need to find out how to meld us as soon as possible."

"I don't want to go back."

"Sheik, we'll have this conversation later."

"We will."

"Sheik will you fight?"

"No."

Zelda's eyes grew wide and her heart began to beat quickly. "I thought you loved fighting!"

"I know I just wanted you to panic."

Zelda scowled fiercely, "Take Link with you and shut the door on your way out."

Sheik picked the unconscious Link by the scruff of his neck, "Yes Princess, would you like me to polish the door handles after I touch them?"

Zelda gave Sheik a look but the ninja didn't see it because she had already left.

**5 minutes before fight.**

Link was shuffling, looking nervously at the stoic girl next to him. What did he say? How would he approach her? Should he bow before speaking? Link decided he just wouldn't make eye contact.

"Stop looking at me." Sheik's voice cut through the air like a knife.

"Sorry." Link focused his gaze on a safe section of the floor.

Sheik glared at the wall. She would have enjoyed making Link squirm but she must save her energy for the fight. So she settled on talking to him instead.

"Stay out of my way when I get up there." She said.

"Yes."

"Yes _ma'am_."

"Yes ma'am. Please don't kill me."

"If you insist."

"Thank you ma'am."

"Shut up. Who are we playing?"

"Ike and Marth ma'am."

"Okay, I'll send Ike to the infirmary and you can take Marth."

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't speak. You soil the air that I breathe."

"Sorry ma'am." Link whispered.

**On the Stadium: Hyrule Temple. Stock two lives**.

Ike felt the ground go out from under him, and then land solidly on the rock as the emblem blazed beneath him briefly before disappearing. He gazed at his surroundings and nodded at Marth who stood on a pillar in the middle of the stage. His eyes traveled to Link who stood a few yards behind Marth. Maybe it was the distance but Ike thought Link looked a little sick. The elf's face was tinged green. Where was the other opponent?

**Ready? Go!**

The fight had begun. Ike stepped forward and flinched in pain, something—maybe knives—had pierced his back. Ike whirled around and only had time to widen his eyes before a blur of blue collided with him and sent him flying. The figure didn't even give him time to think before it lashed out with a chain and grabbed him in a hold, throwing him in the air and then grinding its elbow into his sternum.

Ike swung with his sword and the figure gracefully danced away. Ike didn't get to look at it because it disappeared in a cloud of smoke and for a brief moment Ike felt something like fear in the pit of his stomach. What the hell was this thing?

Ike was on fire. The thing had appeared again right next to him in a puff of smoke and now the fierce mercenary was on fucking fire. Again needles hit him and his chest flared with pain. The creature hit him with a flat hand and kicked him square in the chest. Ike felt the wind go out of him as he flew through the air. He saw a flash of blue in the corner of his eye and only had time to curse before it hit him again and he flew off the stage.

Marth was battling Link when he saw Ike appear on the hovering board. Ike had already died? He was fighting Zelda….not that the Princess was weak but Ike should've been able to take her.

Ike fell back onto the field. He was ready now. Whatever the fuck this was had better watch out because now he was pissed. Ike heard fast footsteps behind him and he turned around wielding his sword and smacking the blue figure with a good hit.

The thing was still for a moment then it looked up. Ike's mouth hit the floor. He could finally see what it was. An androgynous figure that was leaning slightly towards being female with one angry blood-red eye.

He. She. It flicked its wrist and three long needles appeared beneath her clenched knuckles. She threw them and Ike easily dodged. It was a distraction.

She slammed into him grabbed him, punched him the face three good times. And try as he might its grip was like iron and Ike found himself struggling to get Aether up. It threw him in the air and in a crazy feat of speed and strength jumped after him with its legs together swiveling like a drill and hit him.

Ike once again felt his body whoosh through the air and he landed next to Marth who had racked up quite a percentage fighting the Hero of Time who by now only had one life left.

"I thought we were fighting Zelda." Ike snarled as he got up and whacked Link hard, more out of frustration then anything.

"We are." Marth frowned raising his sword to send Link off the field. Marth jerked forward and Ike saw the figure leap over the pillar and disappear.

"What the hell was that?" Marth asked swiveling around. Ike didn't answer because he was once more in another lock with the bandaged thing. Link leapt to his feet and pulled off his infamous move of swirling on his heel with his sword. Smashing Marth off the temple.

Sheik punched the mercenary in her hands twice before slamming him to the ground. She grabbed him again and holding him near the edge, the red eye stared at Ike.

A hypnotic voice sounded through the bandages, "Zelda sends her regards." And Ike felt his chest practically cave in as he fell off the stadium, unable to do anything.

**After the Brawl**.

Link mopped his face with a towel. "You were amazing."

"Ma'am." Sheik reiminded him.

"Ma'am."

Sheik nodded and turned around. "I'm going back up to the room. Make sure no one follows me."

"Yes ma'am."

Sheik opened the doors looked both ways and the disaperaed.

Sheik was walking up the stairs to Zelda's hallway when a voice stopped her.

"Hey!" Sheik swiveled around and Ike the mercenary walked down the hallway his face drawn in a frown.

Sheik raised her eyebrows. This would be interesting.

"Zelda. Sheik. Er you fight well."

"Thank you." Sheik mimicked Zelda's composed cool voice. "I train very hard in this form."

"Yes." Ike narrowed his eyes, he was pissed he got beat up so quickly, "You fight well. For a girl."

Sheik, if not noble, was a feminist, "Thanks." She narrowed her evil red eye, "Considering I kicked your ass on the battlefield."

Ike's eyes widened. Ass? He didn't even know if that was legal for a princess to say. "Wha—What?"

"Ass. Yours. I kicked it past Crimea for you." Sheik folded her hands across her chest, "Your welcome."

Ike's brain finally registered that Sheik—Princess Zelda had insulted him. "You want to say that again princess?" Ike snarled.

Sheik stepped up to him, her blonde hair tickling his nose her scarlet eye burning into his. "One. I am not a Princess. Two. I kicked you ass. Three. I'll do it again if you don't get the fuck outta my way." Sheik to say the least, was enjoying this. Messing with someone, picking at their anger, riling them up. This was fun. Not small talk with Peach or Link, hell no, fucking with Ike was fun.

The mercenary was used to respect. And this was not respect. Ike opened his mouth when it hit him. Sheik was fucking with him.

"What are you anyways. A boy? Princess Zelda turning into a boy when she needs to?" Ike snapped.

"I'm not a boy. I'm a man. More man than you'll ever be." What the hell? Sheik thought, confuse him a bit, embaras Zelda a lot, an excellent combimantion.

"Shut up." Ike snarled, "Your mother's more of man than you'll ever be."

"I bet you were up all night working on that one dumbfuck." Sheik snarled.

"Wake up on the wrong side of the cage this morning jackass?" Ike snapped back shoving Sheik a little.

The insults were one thing. But making bodily contact with her was another.

Sheik's scowl was scary enough to rival a typhoon, "Yeah I did, I woke up with my hands in the guts of my last victim." She advanced, "Funny, he sounded a lot." She pushed him here again, "Like. You." Sheik shoved him.

Just a little bit.

Really.

Ike stumbled backwards and hit the door across from Zelda's which just happened to belong to Princess Peach. Who just happened to be changing.

Peach held up a thin tank top to hide a skimpy bra. Her eyes wider then dinner plates. "Oh. My. God." She whispered, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sheik covered her ears and bolted. Ike stumbled backwards again, tripped on the rug and fell down the stairs, narrowly avoiding Mario who was racing up the steps towards his distressed Princess.

**With Zelda and Sheik.**

Sheik burst into the nearly empty library. A cackle on her lips, knowing she would pay for it later. Zelda who was in the farthest corner of the library snapped her head up just in time to see Sheik barrel past the bookcases and dance in front of her with an peals of insane laughter interrupting her desperate gasps for breath.

"Ike!" Sheik gasped, "Why have you not talked to him often?" More laughter, "He is fun." Sheik slammed her hands down on the table. "And did you know that Peach has Lorax underwear?"

Zelda felt her face grow red, "Excuse me?"

"Peach has little orange fuzzy men all over her bikini briefs." Sheik grinned under cowl and her red eye glinted.

"Did you see Peach undress?" Zelda demanded, "Sheik that is immoral, and embarrassing and—"

"And what Princess?" Zelda placed her hands on her hips, "What are you going to do? Send me back to Hyrule? Who will protect you when you stupid Hero of Time isn't looking." Sheik smirked at the abashed Zelda, "Besides. I am having too much fun."

"Sheik we must be careful. Have you any idea if the Hand finds out we're different? What if he separates us? What if one of us has to go home? And what if Hryule hears that we are not the same, don't you think that would bode terribly for you?"

Sheik sighed, "Very well princess. You have sobered me. I hope you're happy."

"Yes. A sober Sheik would be safest for the world."

Sheik shrugged. She idly studied the books in front of Zelda, strewn about everywhere. Sheik was just about to send one flying out the window to see what Zelda would do when the intercom came on, and a frustrated voice sounded.

"Will Ike Greil and Zelda in Sheik form please report to my office. Now." The intercom went silent.

Zelda glared at Sheik. "What did you do!?"

"Nothing." Sheik looked nonchalant as she stretched, "Just fought with Ike and sent him tumbling in to see Peach naked."

"Sheik!"

"Better hide Zelda. Wouldn't want anyone to see me then you." The last thing Zelda saw before Sheik disappeared was the malevolent mischievous twinkle in her red eye.

**Outside Master Hand's office.**

Ike swung Ragnell at the wall, angry at everything. He was just about to open the door when smoke appeared and sent him coughing and tripping over the rug for the second time in less than twenty minutes.

A disdainful Sheik eyed him on the floor, "Pathetic." Ike heard him mutter before the ninja disappeared into Hand's office.

The disgruntled mercenary followed and Hand gestured to an empty seat, across from his desk and directly next to Sheik, who was balancing knives on his fingertips. Ike scowled and sat in his chair, driving Ragnell violently into the floor between him and Sheik.

Sheik rolled her eyes and crossed her legs, hoping he would notice her ignoring him.

"Sheik. Ike." Hand said, "I hope you know why you're here."

"So I can send his ass back to Crimea for you?" Sheik said, a tad too hopefully.

"You would love that wouldn't you?" Ike snarled, "To at least get to touch my ass."

Sheik sneered at him and Hand interrupted, "Stop it. And no Sheik, I do not want to send Ike back to Crimea. I want you two to apologize to Peach. And know that you will be punished."

Sheik stood up suddenly, "Punished? Me? For this idiot sneaking around in girl's rooms?"

"You shoved me!" Ike growled standing up to.

"I was defending myself."

"You were not."

"I'm ignoring you." Sheik held up her hand insolently and directly in Ike's face blocking her from his view. "Hand, don't be a dick, I shouldn't be punished."

Hand sighed, "I try Sheik." Hand rarely interacted with Sheik, mainly because whenever she _was_ around, she isolated herself. "But that's not that point, you will apologize to Peach and your punishment will arrive in due time. As it was an accident, or at least I'm recognizing it as one, you will only be punished for a day."

"What is it?" Ike said dreading spending time with Sheik.

"Cleanup duty on Saturday. Which I trust you recognize as smasher's day off. This particular Saturday we're off to the beach so you two get the mansion to yourselves."

Sheik stood taller, "Fuck you."

Hand ignored her. "Understood?"

Ike glared, "Why are you punishing me?"

"We've been over this." Hand sighed and moved towards the door, "I'm going to the bathroom. (A.N Can he go to the bathroom?) I'll be back to talk more in depth of your punishment. Stay here."

Sheik threw her three knives and they impaled themselves on the door, Hand had closed just in time.

Ike smirked, "You're a fail."

"Yeah, so was your dad's condom."

**Ahh….so yes. I would like to know what you guys think.**

**mugetsu21: Thank you so much ^^) It means a lot that you reviewed, I'm sorta new to Fan fiction and I appreciate your review for my first story.**

**WaterDragon645: Haha! Yeah, Sheik is pretty kickass, and with Ike well you never know right? ;) Thanks for the review.**

**BipolarIke: I'm glad you like it =) And I continued ;D Thanks so much for the review.**

**Well yep, I'm going to be honest and say that I'm not the best with updating, but when I like a story I write fast, and I like this story so expect the next chapter in maybe another 24 hours or sooner. And just know that I won't revolve everything in the story about their punishment, that's just one of many trials there will be more =D.**

**Review please!**

**Oh and I don't own anything but my plot.**


	3. Radioactive

Sheik scowled. Zelda scowled back.

It was now Saturday morning and both girls were in a ferocious mood. Sheik because she was stuck doing selfless work for others with Ike. Zelda because today was Saturday and everyone was going to the beach except for her because of Sheik.

Zelda gave up first and slipped her head onto the mahogany desk she imported from Hyrule to occupy a portion of her Smash suite.

Sheik shrugged, thoroughly unbothered. Her eyes drifted over to the clock. Zelda had woken her up at six. Six. Sheik woke up whenever the hell she felt like it, and at six Sheik hadn't wanted to wake up.

There was knocking on the door. Zelda shoved Sheik under the desk and walked to the door. "Yes?"

"Zelda? Zelda? It's me." It was Link.

"Oh good." Zelda opened the door and pulled Link in and shut the door.

"Why are you so stupid?" Sheik asked from her perch on Zelda's wardrobe.

"Good morning Sheik." Link greeted.

"Don't talk to me."

"Sorry."

Zelda shook her head and gestured to a simple wooden for Link to sit on. "Thanks Zel."

"No problem. Are you going to the beach today?"

"Yeah. You?"

"No." Zelda snapped, "Because Sheik decided to shove Ike into Peach's room."

Link turned wide-eyed at Sheik, "You shoved Ike? That's not very nice."

"When I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you scum bucket." Sheik said, her tone nonchalant. She was carving designs on the wall with one of her many needles.

"Sheik!" Zelda said aghast.

"I doubt he'll remember how hurt he was in five seconds." Sheik snarled back.

"Hey Sheik?"

"See?"

"Why are you so mean now? You weren't mean when we met back home."

"I was being paid back then. Now I'm just told to rollover or get sent to the doghouse. So I roll over."

Zelda blushed, "It's not like that."

"Why don't I host your soul for a month princess?" Sheik's voice left an awkward silence amongst the three Hylians.

"You were being paid to be nice?" Link looked dejected.

"Let her warm up to you." Zelda advised patting Link's hand.

There was another knock on the door. Zelda looked wide eyed and Sheik growled before slipping into the wardrobe. Link stood up and not knowing where to go sat back down.

Zelda opened the door and standing outside was Ike.

"Oh! Zelda turned red, "Ike! I—I—I should apologize for yesterday….I don't what came over me…"

"It's fine princess. I understand a woman goes through these times monthly."

Zelda blushed, Link bristled and Sheik sniggered in grudging respect.

"Link?" Ike looked around Zelda to see the elf sitting on a chair, "Oh. I didn't realize you had company Zelda. I should leave so you may carry on." Ike smirked and turned around before Zelda could say anything.

The princess stood there for a moment her back stiff. She slammed the door and glared at the wardrobe, "Sheik!"

The ninja appeared next to Link. "Yes?"

"Aghflub!" Link jerked out of his seat and fell to the floor in surprise.

Zelda ignored her Hero and glared at her alter ego, "When you do your service at least make him sorry for existing."

Sheik grinned under her cowl and her red eye gleamed in a way that made both her companions shiver in anticipation. "Oh princess, your blessing was all I needed." Sheik bowed mockingly keeping eye contact with Zelda.

**In the Library**

Ike was awaiting Master Hand to show up and give him the task.

Sheik hadn't shown up either. That bastard was somewhere probably sulking in his stupidity. Ike still believed Sheik to be a guy.

The door slammed open and Hand floated in carrying a disgruntled Sheik by the scruff of the neck. "Sit down." Hand sighed plopping Sheik in a chair like she was a mere child.

Ike smirked and folded his arms, "Did Sheik get himself in trouble?"

"Himself?" Hand asked.

"Yeah." Sheik snarled jerking her thumb backwards over her shoulder and out the window, "For that."

Ike turned around to look at felt his jaw drop, an odd contraption with metal springs and wood pulleys was propped up on the roof opposite with something placed right in the middle was what Ike had come to of as, a gun. It was glowing dangerously green and dripping what was obviously a toxic substance because the portion of roof under it was deteriorating.

"What is that?" Ike demanded of Hand.

"I have no idea. Don't ask me where she got it. I just caught her aiming it at you."

Ike spat in disgust, "I hate you."

"Likewise." Sheik responded obviously not caring.

"You sneaky bit—"

"Your duties." Hand interrupted before the fight could escalate. "They will be completed when we comeback. I trust you apologized to Peach."

Sheik nodded angrily.

Ike smirked.

"Ike?"

"I made it up to her."

Hand sighed and Sheik snarled in disgust.

Hand laid a list on the table, "Get along. Please don't destroy the house." And with that Hand left before he could bear witness to anything.

Ike sighed and laid back in his chair, glaring at Sheik.

Sheik ignored him and pulled the list towards her.

"Is the badass Sheik actually going to listen to authority?" Ike sneered.

"I'll do anything to prevent me from spending any more time with you." Sheik said. She was slowly goading him, pulling him into a fight where she could incriminate him.

Ike knew better, "Well then let's get started." Sheik narrowed her eyes and turned to the list.

**ShIke Chore List.**

**Wash villain's laundry.**

**Clean up all of Pit's feathers.**

**Clean second floor bathrooms.**

**Vacuum Stairs.**

**Weed gardens.**

"This is bullshit." Ike groaned.

"Yes you are.' Sheik muttered.

"Say that again?" Ike snarled.

Sheik flipped him off and walked out the door. Ike cursed loudly and hurried after the ninja.

**First Task: Washing Villains Laundry**

"You get it."

"Hell not. You get it."

"Do I look like I want to die?"

"I'm not getting it."

"Yes you are."

"Dude his underwear is fucking radioactive. You get it."

Ike sighed in frustration, "Sheik just get it."

"You've got the long sword! You get it!" Sheik gestured wildly at Ragnell.

"No way in hell, my poor sword might corrode."

"Ugh."

"Together?"

"Do we have a choice?" Sheik and Ike held one hand over the noses and with the other hands grasped the sides of the laundry basket gingerly and bolted out the door and down the stairs where Ike tripped on his cape and let go of the laundry basket, sending it and Sheik tumbling down the stairs.

Ike looked down and cracked up. Sheik was on her butt, Ganondorf's dirty underwear strewn everywhere around and on her. Ike was rolling on the stairs laughing and laughing.

The Sheikah, calmly picked Ganondorf's boxers off her head with the tips of her forefinger and thumb. She stood up and elegantly walked over to the laundry door she had fallen next to. She came out with a pair of yellow gloves and a doctor's mask.

"Get down here dumbfuck." Sheik said, her voice dangerously calm, "Before I set you and this whole damn mansion on fire."

"Touchy touchy." Ike smirked. "I'm coming." Ike swaggered down the stairs and in a completely separate and off topic state of mind Sheik found him slightly, minutely, attractive.

His spiky blue hair swayed, his smirk was as infuriating as it was sexy, and his body made Sheik wonder exactly what he could do. But all this was irrelevant and Sheik returned to the asshole at hand. She leveled her red eye at him, intensified her death stare and took pleasure in his involuntary shiver. The Sheikah turned around and went back into the laundry room.

Ike, in a completely separate and off topic state of mind, as he was coming down the stairs took the time to admire Sheik and realize that in a completely irrational way he was attracted to the violent ninja. His red eye was as appealing as it was dangerous, his blond hair though maybe girly was smooth and wild in a ruggedly cute way and Sheik's lithe body made Ike wonder exactly what it could do besides pulverize somebody. Then Ike remembered that Sheik was a guy that turned into a girl who happened to be Princess Zelda. Still, it was pretty hot.

Sheik glared at him when he finally made it down the stairs and Ike felt his groin twitch when Sheik's red eye bored evilly into his own. Ike shivered.

**Task 2: Clean up after Pit's feathers.**

"What the fuck!?" Ike howled as he snatched another white feather from the ground and shoved it into his sack, "What the fuck is wrong with this kid! Does he fucking shed?!"

Ike had never noticed how many feathers Pit let loose, mainly because he never had to pick them all up.

Sheik was at the other end of the hall glaring at him and muttering choice curse words under her breath.

"Don't complain you puny stupid cockroach." Sheik spat out.

Ike blinked, that was a nerdy insult but it hurt worse than dumbfuck. "Excuse me?"

"Don't. Complain. You. Stupid. Puny. Cockroach." Sheik growled as he picked up another feather.

"Shut the hell up you stupid skinny freak." Sheik snapped upright and glared at Ike. Sheik was not small but she was not big either. Sheik did not like to be called skinny or anything else related to small. After compacting herself for Zelda, after staying so small in her dark cell as Zelda walked around big and triumphant and tangible, small did not go well with Sheik. Small pissed her off.

"Say that one more time you ugly monkey." Sheik snarled.

"You skinny freak." Ike said calmly and he stood up to look Sheik in the face. "I mean look at you, even Pit is more muscled. You're so small you could be a girl. Look, your chest is pathetic." Ike placed his hand directly on Sheik's chest.

The Sheikah was paralyzed. Her red eye wide. Ike's hand was on her chest. The left part of her chest directly on a…..

Ike frowned, that was weird, Sheik had a soft curved bump….

Sheik felt her face redden…

Ike pushed a little on Sheik's chest and ran his thumb over the curve, just in case he was wrong….

Sheik could feel the embarrassment and the anger building up….

Ike's eyes widened this was so bad. Ike swallowed and not knowing what to do squeezed. And then patted it.

"Uh…that's a nice….um…well….nice…." Ike floundered for words. Sheik was a girl.

Sheik looked at him and Ike looked at her.

Ike barreled past the diner tables in the dining hall of the mansion. Alternately apologizing and teasing Sheik whilst dodging knives.

"I'm going to fucking kill you! You damn pervert!" Sheik screamed.

**Yes, I am going to spread the tasks over two chapters only because I'm really tired but promised that I'd get a chapter up in 24 hours. So now that I know better expect the next one in 48 hours. **

**AHA! Ike has found out Sheik is a girly! There will be more to come on that don't you worry!**

**mugetsu21: I know, it gets me frustrated when they leave off and never come back! I appreciate your gratitude and review for my story, and I hope you like it =)**

**Guest: I'm sorry there was no name so I put guest ^-^. Haha you like that? Yeah I wasn't sure if should put it in there but it was really freaking funny and I'm glad you thought it was to XD. Thanks so much for reviewing. =)**

**BipolarIke: Thanks =D, awesome makes my day special ^^). Yeah Sheik will eventually push it but Ike's going to do his fair share of instigating to ;) thanks for reviewing!**

**Oh yeah, don't own nothing. **

**Review please!**


	4. Don't Touch Me

Ike nursed a large purple bump on his shoulder and glared at the still enraged Sheikah in front of him

Sheik had caught up with him in the dining hall, throwing knives and pinning his cape to the wall, which he yelled at her for, causing her to smack him around for about ten minutes before settling to give him a good kick on the shoulder. _Hence_ the purple bruise.

The Sheikah was still not pleased. _Hence_ the insane puncture marks, needles scratches and burn marks (where the hell did she get fire from Ike wondered) inside the kitchen walls. Sheik was growling and at random intervals would let out an enraged scream as she smashed her fist into the walls. Insulting him, cursing him to the darkest pits of hell, snapping at him about his uselessness.

It was all in all terrifying but rather hot.

Ike cleared his throat. "Sheik while you're very attractive screaming your head off I don't want to spend any more time with you then I must. So will you unpin me and help me finish up Hand's shit list?"

Sheik glared at him and Ike glared back.

The mercenary smirked and broke contact, trailing his eyes lazily over her lithe body. She moved so fast Ike didn't even realize she had hit him until his cheek flared in pain.

"Bitch." He snarled.

"Fucktard." Sheik pulled out the first two knives.

"Slut." Ike enjoyed the way her hair tickled his nose.

"Bastard." Sheik pulled out the last knife and he was free.

"It was really soft."

"Excuse me? "Sheik reddened, she knew exactly what he was talking about, and she didn't like where it was going.

"I think I could make you very happy." Ike teased, swinging Ragnell in an arc, hard enough to let it whistle through the air, and wide enough to give Sheik a warning of not coming to close.

"Why?" Sheik snarled watching the sword, "Are you leaving?" She wasn't stupid. Ike could wield that thing like it was 5 ounces not 50 pounds.

"You're funny." Ike settled himself on the counter, and when he looked up Sheik had disappeared. Ike frowned and looked side to side when a knife whistled past his head and sank into the wall. Ike turned around on the counter and glared at the ninja. It took more than a stray knife to scare him.

Sheik had picked up her feet and sat cross-legged on a counter directly across from Ike. Ike studied the newly discovered female.

Sheik studied the veteran moron.

Ike wondered what about Sheik made him tick. Was it that she was quicker than he was? To respond as well as attack? No. There were a lot of people like that. Ike thought harder. Maybe it was that she was fast and attractive, and it both pissed him off and turned him on.

Sheik, meanwhile, was pondering on exactly what shade of red his blood would be when she spilt it all over Zelda's pure white sheets. She bet it would be beautiful, garnet rose petals on soft pure snow. His blood probably looked really good with his hair color to. Sheik gave a small smile involuntarily, he probably looked really hot bleeding out on the sheets. Sheik shook her head. Ike was an asshole, a jerk, a testosterone high pig. Not hot, and gorgeous with really nice eyes and blood that probably looked even better.

**Task #3 Cleaning out the Second Floor Toilets.**

Sheik tried hard not to laugh. Ike came out of his room wearing mismatching armor.

The mercenary had not been looking forward to cleaning out the toilets and had insisted on getting prepared for the job, which now that Sheik thought about it, was actually a good idea.

So when Ike came out from the room wearing Pit's shin guards, Marth's shoulder and chest plate, some arm guards he stole from somewhere and Link's shield, Sheik nabbed the elf's shield and pushed Ike in front.

"You enter and then I'll go."

"Ladies first." Ike sneered.

"Let the gentleman show the lady how it's done." Sheik snarled back.

"I'm not a gentleman." Ike said grabbing Sheik by her collar and holding her close. The Sheikah's eyes widened—this was unexpected—and ceased to move. Ike drew closer until his nose barely touched Sheik's. "I'm not a gentleman." He whispered again softly, "I'm a mercenary." And he shoved Sheik in first.

Of course this earned him another smack to the face and a matching bruise on his other shoulder.

The two fighters stood looking at the dangerous toilet stalls. Sheik could already feel her skin beginning to tingle from the toxic substances that were rife in the lavatory.

"Fuck." She muttered angrily, glad that she had a cowl to at least dilute the smell. No one had to say that these specific bathroom belonged to the villains, all of them boys. There were signatures and graffiti carved onto the stalls and walls, and on the mirrors were smasher's names followed by a long list of opinions, nicknames and all sorts of vulgar un-printable stuff.

Sheik smirked as she moved forward to read the list under Peach.

**Peach:**

**Big butt**

**Big boobs**

**Big eyes**

**Big butt**

**Big mouth**

**Big hair**

**Big golf club**

**Big butt. **

Ike ignored Peach's list and moved to the farthest mirror, which was obviously used by Ganondorf because there was a large picture with a dead Link, hundreds of arrows stuck on his crudely drawn body, big X's for eyes, and Ganondorf himself running away with Zelda thrown over his shoulders. Ike frowned. Sheik was not present.

He turned to look at the fierce force in person, he could only see the one red eye she used to glare at everyone, and the elegant slope of her nose. Ike frowned as he looked back at the mirror then back at Sheik again. It felt wrong that Sheik was not there.

"Hey ninja bitch." Ike called out. Sheik didn't look at him. "Ugh. Sheik."

The girl turned to glare at him.

"Why aren't you here?" Ike gestured to the picture on the mirror. Sheik sighed and traveled the long distance of five feet to look at Ike's mirror.

"Because I'm Zelda dumbfuck."

Ike ignored her. "No you're not."

Sheik stilled for a moment. She faced a dilemma here. Sheik could tell Ike she was a different person, which would endanger Zelda, ruin the balance, throw Hyrule into chaos and generally disrupt Zelda's perfect life. Or, she could be good for once and not say anything.

Sheik sighed and smacked Ike, "I am Zelda. Zelda is Sheik. One and the same dumbfuck, one and the same."

Sheik turned away from Ike and frowned as she began to poke at the toilet with a plunger. Sheik hadn't minded being in the shadows—it was annoying—but still she hadn't minded much.

Sheik hated the way that it hurt a little bit to tell Ike that she was Zelda…Zelda's shadow. Zelda's insane alter ego. Zelda's dark side. But she smothered it. Sheik did not believe in self-pity, Sheik was not weak, Sheik did not want someone prying into her heart because Sheik did not have one.

She pounded the toilet bowl furiously with her plunger, in her spat of anger she broke the rubber and impaled the wood deep into the toilet bowl.

A low moaning sounded as pipes creaked and water began to spray up from the wounded toilet.

"Oh damn." Ike said, poking his head into the stall and staring at the quickly spurting toilet.

"Fuck this shit." Sheik tossed Link's shield into the stall corner and bolted out of the bathroom. Ike behind her, shutting the door quickly.

Various pieces of armor left inside the quickly flooding, murky, dirty, toilet water that was soon filling the room.

**Task 4: Vacuum stairs. **

Sheik was pounding on Ike's back furiously, yelling expletives and threats at him.

The mercenary was currently carrying Sheik over his shoulder, immune to her cries as she carried her up the stairs.

As much as Sheik hated to admit it, Ike was stronger. Where she was slender he was muscled, where her body was curved like that of a woman's, his was angular like that of a man's and where she was soft he was hard.

"Say please." Ike demanded.

"Fuck you."

Ike chuckled, "After you say please."

Sheik wriggled in his arms "I hate you."

"You're being rude Sheik."

"I'm not being rude!" You just insignificant!" Sheik growled.

"Fuck, what'd you have for breakfast Sheik? Bitch flakes?" Ike jerked his shoulder a bit and grinned as the girl hissed in pain. Ike shifted her slightly and felt his face go red when her chest briefly pressed against his cheek. He cleared his throat and distanced her a little bit.

"Why do you even wear a bra?" Ike said, eager to distract Sheik from his brief moment of taking advantage of her, "You have nothing to put in it."

"You wear pants don't you?" Sheik snapped back.

"Touché." Ike smirked. "But still. Please is required."

"I would slap you right now." Sheik hissed, "But I'd make your face better."

"You would slap me." Ike agreed, "If you could bear to stay away from me."

Sheik was desperate to get away from him now. Bodily contact. Shit, bodily contact, her mind was going into overdrive. Being in contact with another human being was unnerving to her, touch was so foreign, she'd do anything to dispel the feeling now, "Funny. That's what your mom said last night."

Sheik was slammed into the wall, Ike's fists followed soon after on either side of her face. The mercenary bought his face in close, fire in his eyes pressing her hard against the wall and an angry snarl pulled across his lips.

Sheik grinned under her cowl, good. Anger. Anger she understood, anger she could manipulate. Anger was her domain.

"Don't you ever speak about my mother." Ike growled.

"Are you going to make me?" Sheik said back, her voice calm, her mind giddy with delight.

"I will make you."

"I doubt it."

"I dare you to make me."

"That's what your mom said last night." Sheik whispered softly, her crimson eye gleaming, an impish grin on her lips.

Ike didn't think, and later he would come to regret it, his fist left the wall and drove into Sheik's stomach. Rage had fueled it, but even as his fist pushed into her stomach he could already feel it was wrong. He could already feel the need to beg her forgiveness, to say sorry, to hug her and hold her, Ike was startled out of hitting her again. Where had those thoughts come from?

He stared down at the Sheikah who was still against the wall, one hand across her stomach and if he didn't know any better, even under her cowl, she was _smiling_. He could tell.

A low laugh bubbled up from Sheik and Ike felt both the need to hide from this insane girl and hug her and apologize.

"Are you done?" She asked him, "Because I'm not even started."

Her fist collided with his face and Ike stumbled backwards, barely bringing Ragnell up in time to block her hit.

"Stop it!" He shouted, "Stop dammit!"

Sheik ignored him and continued to angle her hits around his sword, dancing gracefully out of reach and coming back in to jab his ribs.

Ike sheathed Ragnell and tackled Sheik to the ground. Hugging her so as not to let her arms loose. "Stop will you? You crazy bitch!"

"Don't touch me." Sheik said. "Don't touch me." She wriggled again, and Ike hugged harder.

"Dammit Ike don't touch me!" She screamed and Ike let go in surprise. Her cry was nearly hysteric and she vanished from under him and appeared again at the end of the hallway.

She breathed heavily then slipped into her aggressive slouch, "Don't _touch_ me." She said again, calmer, quieter her voice not quite, but very close to fragile.

The hallway was silent, Ike staring at her and Sheik staring right back with her unhinged red eye.

"Fine." Ike snapped. "I won't touch you."

Sheik relaxed, they were back to being mean. "Fuck you."

"I would but I don't want herpes."

They proceeded to vacuum the stairs with insults and shouting, fairly normal and fairly safe. Except for when Ike lifted up the nozzle and _almost_, sucked off Sheik's cowl.

She was standing too close and her cowl got stuck. She shrieked like a deranged animal and threw out legs and fists, punching Ike down the stairs, kicking a hole in the wall, breaking a few pictures and shattering a window when she hurled the vacuum through it.

Fairly safe.

**Okay next chapter, last task, new trial and a little alone time with Sheik and Ike. =D maybe. Possibly. I don't know =D.**

**So this chapter a little more serious, no offense intended regarding Peach's…assets. It bothers me when I write the 'b' word. Not butt not big, the other 'b' word. I don't really know why…it just does…oh well. **

**mugetsu21: Haha! I'm glad you were laughing, that is my goal. =D I like laughing. I like making people laugh. Yeah…laughter is good =D. Tank yooouu so much for da review.**

**BipolarIke: Haha! Yeah…I was trying hard not to laugh or make it crude, so I guess it turned out okay? XD, yeah Ike….stoic, awkward, attractive mercenary. *sigh* Thaaaank you for za review.**


	5. Promise

**Task 5: Weed the gardens.**

Ike was deeply enjoying his view in the gardens. There were roses to his left blooming beautifully, shapely lilies framing his right, dahlias waving seductively in the wind and a voluptuous ninja glaring at him, which he should have been afraid of but he was a mercenary dammit, and mercenary's don't run away from ninjas.

"Give me the shovel." Sheik hissed at Ike.

They had been attempting to uproot the weeds but it turned out that through some freak accident involving Ganondorf, Wario, Peach, Lucario, Popo (minus Nana), a box of nails and a bowl of pudding, the weeds had been watered with dark magic, mutating them. And while they weren't harmless, they were as Sheik quoted, "Hard as fuck to pull out."

Therefore leading them to the shed where Ike accidently tripped and almost brained Sheik with a rake thus inducing her to chase him around with a pick until they both tripped over a garden hose and landed in horse manure. Which was where they found the shovel.

Back to the conversation at hand.

"No." Ike responded.

"Give it to me Ike."

"Let's play a game."

"What? What? Give me the damn shovel Ike!"

"No. Agree to play a game with me."

Sheik tore across the flowerbed, completely oblivious to the delicate foxgloves and smashing most of them in the progress while she flung knives at Ike who dodged them with relative ease. She directed a kick at his face but was completely surprised to find her ankle encompassed by his large hand.

"Let me go." Sheik demanded.

"You sound like Zelda." Ike chuckled, "But then again you are Zelda."

Sheik stopped abruptly, she was nothing like Zelda. In fact she prided herself on being Zelda's exact opposite.

"Excuse me?" Sheik growled.

"Play a game with me. Or are you to high and mighty to deal with poor peasants like me?"

Sheik snarled, she _was_ a peasant dammit! "I'll play a game with you. For a price."

"Name it." Ike hesitated not.

"You serve as my personal servant for an entire day. Tomorrow in fact." Sheik smirked. He wouldn't want to play a dumb game now.

"Deal."

"Dea—What?"

Ike chuckled again, he liked confusing her, her brow crinkled, her red eye looked almost innocent and her voice became slightly less harsh.

"I said deal." Ike turned to dig his shovel into the ground uprooting a particularly fierce weed. "Let's play. Every time one of us pulls out a weed they ask the other a question. And you have to answer truthfully."

"But you have the shovel!" Sheik growled.

"Exactly." Ike picked up the weed he had pulled out, "My turn. Unless you're too scared."

"Scared your ass." Sheik snarled, "Shoot."

"What's a telephone?"

Sheik stood up to glare at Ike, and to her surprise saw his sincere face. Of course, Ike was new to Smash, he didn't come from technologically savvy times. Sheik smirked, oh this was gonna be fun.

"A telephone is mainly used by guys. It's a stripper hotline."

"They made such a device for that singular notion?" Ike asked aghast but not unhappy.

"Yep. Pigs. What can you do?" Sheik cursed the root she currently had between her hands and glancing at Ike who was working hard on the current root, slipped out a knife and sliced the root in half, pulling it up easily.

"My turn." She dangled the root at the glowering mercenary. Sheik rolled thoughts around in her head, thoroughly enjoying the apprehensive look on Ike's face. She pondered hard about what awkward question she should subject him to.

"You will tell me the worst situation that happened to you on an evening tryst."

Ike glared at the ninja who was smirking under her cowl before turning to spit at the ground. "I was walking late at night through a city—they all blend in after a while—a…girl called from an alleyway. Actually where I was traveling the cities weren't really human so it could have been anything but whatever the hell it was had some nice legs—and I was tired, hadn't had a bed in a month, and really just needed to let loose."

Sheik loosed a chuckle from behind her cowl. Ike's glare rose in intensity.

"I went into the alley paid the girl and then she knocked me out. I woke up the next morning with my pants stolen and sleeping with a bunch of rabid chickens."

Sheik's laughter rang out briefly and to Ike's surprise, it sounded beautiful. Not the tinkle of bells like Zelda's, but like wooden wind chimes, sadder, richer, but amazing. Her laugh ended as soon as it began and he blinked finding the red-eyed girl glaring at him.

"Dumbfuck." Sheik snarled. "For all you know it could've been a troll."

"It probably was." Ike agreed before holding up a root triumphantly. It was Sheik's turn to spit at the ground. "Are you a virgin?"

Sheik leveled her crimson eye at him and Ike felt maybe he had gone too far.

Sheik had two seconds to think before Ike began to tease her. Sheik was fairly certain Zelda had been deflowered by Link, and it was suspected by the rest of the mansion even if no one dared mention it to the Princess. Sheik smirked, maybe she could pull Zelda off as a well-rounded woman.

"Nope." Sheik grinned and worked on detaching a weed from its maniacal roots in the earth; thus missing Ike's expression which was a mingled blend of disappointment, anger and a tinge of jealousy.

"You slut." Ike said turning to the dirt before a root slapped him in the face. Dirt falling of his face as the root slumped to the ground like a damp sandbag.

"When are you going to bed Marth?"

"What!?" Ike ceased his digging to look at Sheik absolutely shocked, "Marth and I are friends. We're not—I'm not—He likes—you _bitch_!" Ike finished flustered.

"Calm down, damn." Sheik said, laughter lacing her voice, "I didn't ask for your cup size."

"I'll show you I don't like Marth." Ike threatened. "I promise."

"Yeah right."

"Watch me."

"Shut up."

Ike growled and stabbed his shovel into the earth uprooting two weeds in a stroke of luck. He took one and threw it at Sheik's feet.

"Did you like it? One." He hurled the other one at Sheik's head and missed, "And two: What did you first think of me?"

Sheik thought about Link and his stupid face, then about the time that he stumbled in on Zelda changing her underwear, and the other time when she met him for the second time ever and promptly kicked him in the balls when he reached for her chest, later on apologizing profusely to Zelda saying he was wondering if Sheik were a girl or not.

"Yes." Sheik said, "And, at first? Who was I when I first saw you?"

"Zelda, but I want to know through Sheik." Ike held up his hand, "I know, I know, you guys are the same. But you're funnier as Sheik."

"Earth is full. Go home."

Ike surprised Sheik by laughing. "Funny, but no seriously, tell me."

"Coarse. Callous. Someone Princess Zelda is supposed to avoid and make contact with for diplomatic purposes only."

"I asked for Sheik's opinion not Zelda's."

Sheik looked at Ike, really looked at him. A lone wolf. Sheik thought, someone who can be alone and not care, someone sarcastic like me, but better. Someone able to forgive and laugh easily and make friends easier then I. Someone I wouldn't mind being friends with.

"A jerk. You pushed past me and didn't even bow in apology, you twisted motherfucker." Sheik said before uprooting a vicious looking weed with purple veins.

"Give me an awkward situation you hate." She commanded tossing the weed at his feet.

"When I'm deep in thought and then I realize I'm staring directly at someone."

Sheik chuckled quietly before pulling out another root and waving it tauntingly at Ike.

"After we're done doing these stupid tasks we won't ever talk again right?"

Ike smirked. "Sure."

Sheik grinned, smoothed over the dirt and admiring their handiwork. The foxgloves were flattened, Peach's gardenias were utterly destroyed courtesy of Ike chasing Sheik around with a garden hoe after Sheik slammed his face back into the manure.

There were needle marks all over the tree where Sheik had played target practice with a screeching Ike. Weeds were everywhere, the second story window was shattered and a plastic vacuum lay in pieces all over the ground. Yes. They did an excellent job. A root hit her arm and Sheik looked down, slightly surprised. She looked up at Ike who had his armor in his arms.

"Take off my shirt."

"Excuse me?"

"Fuck, just take my shirt off will you? Instead of a question I'm asking you to help me out. My hands are dirty and I don't want to go to the laundry room with the villain's shit messing up the washer."

Sheik glared at Ike. "Take if off yourself dumbfuck."

"Sheik just get me out of my shirt!"

"No!"

"Why not?!"

Sheik didn't really have a reason…it wasn't like she would mind anyways. The ninja sighed before walking over. She sized Ike up and delivered a quick jab to the solar plexus. Ike doubled over and wheezed, at that exact moment Sheik grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked. Which in the split before they fell, she realized, it might not have been the smartest move.

Ike let go of his armor and stumbled forward landing on Sheik, his face pressed into the valley of her chest, his arms holding onto her ribs and straddling her lower body. Ike kept his face buried in Sheik's chest for a second inhaling the scent of gunpowder, sweat and cinnamon and the unique evergreen scent of elves.

Oh Shit. Ike thought.

Sheik was paralyzed. Her nose was pressed into Ike's soft blue hair. The spikes spread readily to cushion her face. She inhaled his smell of sweat, cloves, leather and musk. Then she realized that the pressure on her chest was his face.

Oh shit. Sheik thought.

**At this exact moment in the Smash mansion. **

Zelda was innocently looking outside the window, her legs crossed and a book in hand. She had made use of her day, ignoring the insane screeching of Sheik and Ike's enraged shouts. They would have made an adorable couple if they could get past the initial dislike.

Zelda studied the sky then looked out onto the gardens where her attention was drawn from the ruined flowers to the irregular shape on the floor.

Zelda's jaw hit the floor and she fell off the window seat in a rare feat of clumsiness, an undignified yelp accompanying her on the way down.

She scrambled back to the window, her eyes swearing that what she was seeing was correct.

Ike was straddling Sheik who was not putting up a fight.

It was as scandalous as it was sweet.

Then Sheik exploded.

Zelda reached for the chick and fashionable earmuffs she had kept handy all day.

**Hand arrives**

Hand had decided to go ahead of the rest of the smashers, just in case Sheik and Ike had planted a nuclear reactor in the time frame that they had been gone.

Hand took a deep breath and stepped onto the foyer. Everything looked okay. He floated by the washing room, the machines were humming normally. He headed by the kitchen and chose to ignore the needle that was impaled on the door, opting to enter the dining hall and find only one table pushed slightly out of place. He did not enter the kitchen, assuming even Sheik and Ike couldn't span that far in one day.

He headed up the bathroom and was about to open the door when the pipes creaked. Hand cleared his throat and turned around making a point to ignore the bathroom and making another point to realize that he hadn't seen any feathers.

The stairs were relatively clean, though the vacuum was out of sight.

All in all a nice job.

Then he heard the screaming.

He floated as fast as he could to the window and looked down to see a ruined garden. Ike and Sheik rolling around in the marigold's screaming insults that made Hand wince. Angry smacks of flesh on flesh made their way up the window as Hand rushed down to separate them.

**The Smashers return.**

Link laughed happily with Marth and Pit as they ambled up the stairs, chortling about Peach who lost her bikini top at the beach and Mario who made everyone look the other way while he dived around looking for a pink top.

Link thrust open the door to find Ike, shirtless with light cotton pants on. His skin still wet from a recent shower and his hair sticking up in even more unruly damp spikes.

"How was your day with Sheik?" Marth greeted.

Ike growled and impaled his sword onto the floor. "Bitch is fucking hot."

Pit choked on his spit.

**The Villains**

Ganondorf howled at the sky, "WHY?! WHY?! WHY MUST YOU HUMILIATE ME SO?!" The enraged villain turned around angrily, ignoring Bowser who was also weeping in distress. "Where are they? I shall rip them limb from limb. Whoever has committed this crime against my clothes shall pay."

The mighty villain of Zelda stalked out of his room, looking as lethal as can be, in a pale pink cape and pants.

Ganondorf headed towards the bathrooms yanking open the door and was met with a good six foot wall of water, which comically seemed to still for a moment, deciding whether or not it should flood the ugly troll-thing that dared to open the door.

Ganondorf went sliding down the stairs in a river of dirty water, bits of armor whacking him, a shin guard poking his stomach, and a shield that hit him straight in the nose, decidedly rearranging it for him.

Peach stormed out of the dining hall at that very moment, ignoring the screaming Ganondorf, oblivious to his cries for help. She headed straight for Master Hand's office, shouting something about a torture chamber replacing her kitchen.

The pink princess quickly changed course when she caught sight of the garden through a window. Her howl drowned out Ganondorf's.

Sheik listened to all of this delightedly. Chaos. How beautiful. Zelda was glaring at Sheik.

"How could you?" Zelda asked.

"Easily."

Zelda huffed and was about to say more when there was a knock on the door. Link burst in and Sheik stood up.

"You stupid fuck!" Sheik growled, "I was gonna send five knives in your head right now! Why the fuck do you knock if you run in anyway?"

Link brandished his shield in front of him, "Sheik!" he shrieked, sounding incredibly girly. "Sheik!" the only coherent word he could say.

"What?" she eyed him coolly.

"Sheik!" he screeched again.

"Link shut up or I'll castrate you with a rusty spoon." Sheik rubbed her temples and only then did Link realize her cowl was gone. He never got a chance to stare at her though because there was once more another knock.

"Sheik?" It was Ike's voice, "Sheik?"

Sheik swore loudly before shoving Zelda into the bathroom. The princess fell to the floor looking mightily undignified as her skirt flew up and Link caught a full look at her lacey undergarments. He yelped when Sheik grabbed him by the collar and tossed him all too easily into the bathroom with Zelda, hissing at them to 'keep the fuck quiet.'

She slapped on her cowl, arranging it quickly and messily.

Sheik opened the door a crack, just enough to glare at Ike. She tried not to notice that he was once more shirtless, and his abs of steel were blinding in the light from the window, the water droplets sliding, slow and steadily down his defined stomach didn't help.

"Hey ninja bitch."

"Dumbfuck." Sheik greeted back.

"So I made a promise earlier today." Ike drawled. The sadistic look in his eyes unnerving Sheik only slightly.

"That's great." Sheik said before closing the door. Ike stopped it with her foot.

"You're going to come with me, or I'm going to make you. Pick."

Sheik stared dumbfounded at the mercenary. Where the hell had this come from?

As for Ike's thoughts, well, a man can only take so much right? Sheik had won nearly every verbal and physical argument since he had met her. It not only hurt his manly esteem but also got on his fucking nerves.

Sheik opened her mouth but no sound came out. Ike studied her critically for a second longer before throwing open the door and dragging Sheik by the wrist to his room.

The mercenary kicked his door open and dragged the numb ninja behind him. Pit looked up from his perch on a chair and when he saw Sheik, let loose a girlish shriek before half stumbling half flying backwards off his chair.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Pit pressed his palms together, "Please, I am so sorry."

"Shut the fuck up." Ninja and mercenary said at the same time.

"Ike? Ike? Don't use such crude language, especially in front of someone so you—"Marth came out of the bathroom wearing only his boxers and drying his hair with a towel. He stopped in his tracks and stared at Sheik, who dressed in her form fitting bandage strewn clothing, her cowl sloppily but effectively covering most of her face and one dead red eye boring a hole in his soul.

"H-Hello. Sheik. What a pleasant surprise."

"Don't lie." Ninja and mercenary said together.

Marth shut his mouth.

Ike turned to glare at the girl, and she glared back, "Marth. Me and you are not romantically involved correct?" Ike said over his shoulder, keeping eye contact with Sheik.

"No…why?"

"We will never romantically be involved correct?"

"No…"

"Say it like you mean it."

"No. I mean…sorry Ike?"

"See ninja bitch?" Ike glared at Sheik.

"What's the point of dragging me here dumbfuck?" Sheik snarled.

"So I can show you I don't like Marth."

Sheik smirked. "Whatever."

"Still don't believe me?"

"Nope."

"I'll make you believe me."

"I dare you."

"Challenge accepted." Ike stepped up fast and in one swift moment hooked his finger on Sheik's lower cowl and bough it down, at the same time pressing his firm lips against her surprisingly full ones. They were soft against his and completely immobile.

Pit fainted and Marth choked.

"What?" Ike turned around to glare at the prince. Sheik still paralyzed in his arms. The mercenary snarled at the prince, "Don't like it then get the fuck out."

Ike replaced the cowl, deciding not to push his luck, and not take a look at her face lest she kill him on the spot. He pushed her out the door.

"See you tomorrow master." And he shut the door.

Ike turned around and leant against the door. She tasted like caramel.

**Okay guys. Deeply sorry I didn't update earlier, or leave you guys an explanation, but I had other matters to attend to, very pressing matters. And I didn't tell you last chapter when I would update because I didn't know when I'd be able to. **

**So very, very sorry about that, but expect the next one to come up in two days. Thursday most definitely and I'll try to make it extra-long to make it up to you guys,**

**I'm still kind of busy so I'll author-note you guys next chapter hopefully, and thanks so much for reading!**

**Please Review**

**~C.P**


	6. As You Wish Master

Zelda lay in her bed, her soft brown hair splayed out onto the pillow. She had really needed this nap. Especially after yesterday afternoon, when Sheik had insultingly locked her and Link in the bathroom. When Ike had knocked on the door and dragged Sheik to his room. It was five minutes later that Zelda was glad she was in the bathroom.

Sheik had kicked the door of its hinges and it crashed into the wall. She screamed like an enraged animal and hurled knives at Zelda's walls, completely shredding the paintings. She planted her foot straight through the bathroom door causing Link to scream in fright and hide behind the shower curtain.

Even Zelda was afraid. Sheik's cowl was slipping off of her face, her full lips twisted into a deranged snarl. Her crimson eye glinted with a demonic hatred. Her chest was heaving as she lifted her head to the ceiling ad howled like an exorcism.

She turned around to punch the door once more, demolishing it with kicks and knives and fists. She tore Zelda's curtains, shrieked like a ballistic animal, and cursed like sailor. Her anger visibly coming off of her like rays.

Link did not exit the bathroom until he was sure Sheik was out of the vicinity. Unfortunately he did not time his escape well enough and Sheik caught him by the collar as he sprinted for the now non-existing door leading to the hallway.

"Which bed does Ike sleep in?" She growled in a whisper.

"The bottom right. The bottom right. The bottom right! Ohgawd, please don't kill me." Link pressed his hands together and rolled his eyes to the sky. Zelda watching him from her seat near the bed, wondering vaguely how Link managed to become the Hero of Time.

Sheik didn't bother with a farewell, opting to chuck him through the empty doorframe and face planting into the wall across from Zelda's room.

Sheik took the fallen front door and slammed it back onto the frame, giving her and Zelda some semi-privacy.

"I will kill him." She said definitely and slowly, "I will tear out his scrotum and laugh while he dies."

Zelda winced, "Sheik what exactly did he do?"

Sheik leveled her red eye at Zelda. The ninja fixed her cowl, breathed in deep, and said, "He decided it was okay to kiss me."

The Zelda on the outside did nothing, the well trained diplomat coming handy. The Zelda on the inside went berserk, not only was that incredibly adorable by Ike, but also incredibly daring and Zelda would forever think of him with greater respect, on the other hand she was a tad worried about Ike's general safety.

"Sheik I don't think you should kill him."

Sheik's chest trembled and Zelda could feel another typhoon of anger threatening to overtake the ninja. "Sheik calm down, think rationally. Killing him would lead to our ban from Smash. We would go back to Hyrule and ruin valuable alliances and treaties with both Crimea and Altea. Is that wise?"

"I never cared anyways." Sheik snarled, but she eventually relented and agreed to not kill Ike.

The Sheikah was not sleeping in an especially dark corner of the room, her face almost peaceful, and her cowl resting besides her head, and her breathing even.

On the other hand, let's take a look at the Boy's room.

"Should we wake him?" Marth asked, struggling not to laugh.

"Nah." Link said.

"He's fine." Pit agreed.

All three boys were staring at their roommate who although peaceful in slumber, looked ridiculous. His blue hair was shot with pink streaks, the hair of his eyebrows caked over with burgundy liner, his lips painted a sea-shell pink, and on his chest one sleek, sharp, shiny knife.

Falco burst into the room, "Pit just called, what's up? Is Ike really—Holy shit." The birdman stared at Ike and in less than three seconds busted out laughing.

Marth couldn't help it, he joined Falco on the floor and Link and Pit followed soon after, howling in mirth.

Naturally the blue-pink haired mercenary woke up and glared, "Why are you so loud? Why are you laughing? Why is Falco here? And do you all want to die?"

"Dude." Falco hiccupped, "Go take a look in the mirror."

Ike frowned and sat up, oblivious to the think knife that slid to the floor inconspicuously. He stood up and to the great mirth of the other four males, gasped as he looked down.

His pants and boxers were in shreds, as soon as he sat up, they had fallen to the floor. Yelping Ike stumbled into the bathroom and stopped dead as some freak with pink hair stared back at him.

It was silent for two seconds and then, "SHEIK!"

Zelda's room.

Angry knocking threatened to knock the fragile door down, and Zelda had barely hidden under the bed when Ike ignored the door altogether and burst under the room.

"You bitch, where are you?" Ike growled staring around.

"Did someone light your tampon on fire sweetheart?" Sheik yawned from the corner.

"What did you do?" Ike shouted pointing to his hair, his eyebrows, everything.

Sheik stared down at Ike, vaguely annoyed. "First rule servant. You address me as master, you do not scream in presence unless given permission, and you are not allowed to look good. So I advise you wash that gunk off your face before you come back to be my servant for the day." Sheik waved her hand at him before turning back to the wall. He was dismissed.

Morning: Ike prepares to serve Sheik.

Ike came in all traces of makeup gone.

Sheik studied him and tossed a pile of clothes at the mercenary, "Put it on."

Ike stared at the lacey apron, "What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck is this?"

"An apron."

"You twisted motherfucker."

"And?"

Ike contemplated the apron. Then smirked. He could figure out how to make this work to his advantage.

Ike took off his cloak, stepped out of his armor and peeled of his shirt. Warm air hit his bare skin as he slipped the apron onto his bare chest.

"What are you doing?" Sheik asked, utterly taken aback.

"Getting ready for you master."

"You twisted motherfucker."

"And?"

Late Morning.

Sheik tired not to notice Ike's muscles rippling tauntingly under his skin. Ike was lifting the heavy mahogany door, a tool belt strapped across his waist, hovering over his low slung pants and lacey apron.

He was replacing the door that Sheik had ruined the previous day.

A tingle ran up Sheik's spine, not entirely unpleasant, but not expected either.

"Like what you see?" Ike smirked, his muscled arms flexed as he lifted the door into position, and his abdominal muscles teasing Sheik from her leisurely posture across the room.

"Turn around dumbfuck."

You have no idea. Sheik thought, grateful the cowl covered her blush.

Ike laughed, "She likes what she sees." He whispered to himself.

Early Afternoon.

Ike carried a tray up the stairs heading for the library where Sheik was supposedly waiting for him.

On the platter were two pieces of toast, bacon, and a glass of orange juice. The mercenary had noticed that Sheik missed breakfast.

"Master." Ike opened the door and to his surprise hear laughter.

He set down the porcelain plate he had carefully selected and quietly walked down the aisles until he looked down a row and to his chagrin saw Link and Sheik.

Link was gesturing wildly, and the beautiful force of nature that was Sheik, was laughing. Actually laughing, like she had in the garden yesterday.

Wood chimes clinking beautifully. Ike found himself leaning against the bookcases studying Sheik's laid back posture. To his dislike, a twinge of jealously reared in his stomach. Ike shook his head and cleared his throat.

The laughter stopped. Sheik turned to Ike, her glare on a low today. "Yes servant?"

"Your breakfast master."

"Bring it here." Sheik turned back to Link, "Okay hero, you've overstayed your welcome. Get out before I make Ike kill you."

Link didn't linger.

Sheik walked back to the couches of the library to see Ike standing locked jaw next to a comfortable cushion, a platter on the table in front of it.

"Your breakfast, master ninja bitch."

"Thank you dumbfuck." Sheik nodded before sitting and picking up the glass of orange juice.

It was silent for a few moments and then, "What do you see in him?"

Sheik set down her glass, "What?"

"Link, you obviously like him Princess Zelda. Why?"

It hurt to be called Zelda, "I'm Sheik. And I don't like Link."

"Yes you do."

"Are you jealous?"

"I never said that."

"No but a woman can tell."

"A woman needs a man. Not an adolescent barely leaving behind sit cream."

Sheik chuckled, "Link is just as old as you. And I think you're jealous."

"Maybe." Ike shrugged, "Does master not like her breakfast?"

Sheik stared at her plate condescendingly. She sighed, "Take this out of my sight. Let's go get some real breakfast. Or lunch whatever." She stood up and began walking.

"Ike."

"Yes?"

"You always walk behind me." Sheik smirked as she lifted her head. "I'm much more important."

Ike grinned, "As you wish master." He didn't mind the back view. Even if he wished she were walking towards him instead.

Mid-Afternoon.

"You crazy bitch!" Ike shouted as they ran away from a small stampede of warthogs. "Are you trying to kill us?"

Sheik laughed, "Getting tired?"

"You wish."

Sheik smirked and leapt onto a low hanging branch, disappearing into the trees.

"Showoff." Ike murmured. He veered left and in a split second dodged a stray tusk as he scaled a tree.

Ike was breathing hard when finally made it to where Sheik was lounging.

"Bitch."

"Servant."

This is your idea of fun?"

"Having you be my servant? Yes."

Ike chuckled, "I could be a way worse master than you."

"Is that a challenge?"

"It is. Tomorrow you're my servant."

Sheik moved so fast Ike didn't see her hand shoot out and grab him by the apron. She bought him close enough to graze her forehead, "Challenge accepted."

Afternoon.

Ike was sweating profusely. He grunted as his muscles strained and hotness rolled off him in waves.

Sheik though she would never admit it, enjoyed the view very much.

Ike was currently moving around the furniture in Zelda's room. And Sheik just couldn't decide where she wanted the heavy ebony bed to be. Middle? Or how about slightly to the right? What about against this wall? What do you think Ike?

Ike was glaring at the bitch from the corner of his eye. She was making this hard, and he was wishing he had never accepted this challenge in the first place.

"That's fine." Sheik sighed. She was getting bored. Having Ike as a servant wasn't nearly as fun as she thought. She couldn't think of anything evil to do. She sighed again, "Go get me some vanilla roasted coffee from the kitchen. And don't come back until you find some."

Sheik knew perfectly well that the Smash kitchen was out of vanilla roasted coffee. Ike would have to run to the tow ten miles away because he didn't know how to drive.

When Ike gets back.

"Pick up the phone." Sheik commanded, completely ignoring the steaming coffee cup beside her.

Ike glared and picked up the phone, his apron drenched with sweat.

"I want you to dial Captain Falcon's number. You're going to prank call her. Put it on speaker." Sheik leant back in her chair and smirked, she held out a slip paper with nine digits.

Ike snatched it and intensified his glare, "What do I say?"

"Your job to come up with it. Or I flay you alive." Ike had seen Sheik's whip when she slapped Fox across the stadium. He had no desire to see it again.

Ike dialed.

"Hello?" came Captain Falcon's voice.

"Hello, this is your local internet server, I'm just calling to check a few charges on your credit card."

"I don't have a credit ca—"

"You're being charged with the following dirty perv movies. Please confirm the following…." Ike listed off a bunch of crude names, and Sheik struggled not to laugh.

"I—I—never—oh no—how much do I have to pay you to keep quiet? I have about twenty dollars in the back right now—just don't turn me in—"

"Oops." Ike frowned, "Sorry sir, but my assistant gave me the wrong number…."

"I was just kidding about…the uh…the dirty videos….uh…" Captain Falcon's voice faded out.

Ike hung up and grinned at master. Sheik was holding her sides and shaking. Her wood chime laugh sounded and Ike closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the sounds.

"Call Peach." Sheik ordered.

Ike obeyed and dialed the Pink Princess's number.

Mario picked up, "Hello?"

"Peach? Hey."

"Ah—no, this is-ah—"

Ike interrupted, "I just called to tell you to come over and pick up your pink bra, you left it last night. By the way the guy upstairs complained about all the noise so I'll meet you in your room tonight okay?"

"WHAT—WHO—WHA-?" Mario shouted on the phone.

"Oh and you bring a condom this time. We used the last one last night."

"WHO IS THIS?!" Mario shouted.

"Uh…Captain Falcon…who is this?"

"MARIO!"

"Oh…hey Mario….uh…..wanna come?"

Ike slammed the phone down and collapsed onto the couch with Sheik, both laughing uncontrollably.

"Genius!" Sheik gasped out punching Ike on the shoulder. Ike laughed and grinned at her praise.

"More." Sheik demanded, still laughing. "Seriously."

Ike grinned and pulled the phone towards them. "Who next master."

"Marth?"

"As you wish master."

Ike dialed, he knew this particular one would work. A few weeks ago Marth was sick with the flu. Hand made him send in some blood tests to the Smash medical unit to fix up a cure that would have Marth up and ready for the coming tournament.

"Hello?" Marth answered.

"Hello sir, is this Marth?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is the Smash Medical Unit, and I'm deeply sorry to tell you about our results."

"What? Why?"

"Sir you have a severe STD. You will die in twenty-four hours. I'm dearly sorry. Good bye."

"WAIT—"

Sheik couldn't stop laughing. "You are bad Ike."

"Thank you master. Anyone else?"

Sheik's eye glinted manically, "Let's get Link."

Ike dialed the same phone number as Marth, hoping that Link would pick up.

"Hello?" Link's voice came across the line.

Ike did his best imitation of a girl's voice. "Link. I'm pregnant."

They could tell Link dropped the phone, because following the phone beeping, Link came running down the hall and banging on the door. He burst in looking panicked, "Oh shit, Sheik I think I got a girl pregnant, but I don't even remember sleeping with her…actually maybe it was that one girl from the bar….oh fuck what if it's Marth's sister, remember when she came to visit? She was giving me the eye and—"

Link stopped, staring at Ike and Sheik rolling on the floor, laughing as if the world was about to end.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!? I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARTH'S SISTER PREGNANT!" Link screamed.

"WHAT?" Marth shouted. The prince had come down the hall to see where Link had run off to.

Sheik and Ike locked eyes, still laughing, tears began to stream down Ike's face as his body rocked with peals of laughter. Sheik howled madly, the mirth too much. Their stomachs hurt, and as Marth chased Link around the room, the ninja did not notice Ike put his arm around her as they laughed.

Okay guys, I know I promised author's replies, but it was hard popping this out, so next time okay?

Cuz I need some sleepeh time.

Yeah, well here's the chapter and I don't know what else to say besides I don't own Super Smash and thanks for reviewing and good night and eat breakfast.

Review!

~CP


	7. Chocolate Strawberries

To wrap up Ike's day of servitude, Sheik made him clean up the room after Marth finished beating Link to a pulp. She forced him to walk back to the nearby town and get her pizza. He returned with it, only to be sent back for breadsticks.

All in all Ike enjoyed it. Sure Sheik was an evil, maniacal, conniving bitch. But she was a _hot_ bitch. The way her red eye conveyed what she felt, the seductive glare, the death stare, the I'm-going-to-beat-the-living-shit-out-of-you look, was electrifying. The way her eyebrow juncture furrowed, and the way she was almost innocent when Ike managed to confuse her, it was very appealing.

Ike growled and turned on his stomach, trying to imagine the pillow under him was Sheik.

**In Sheik's room. Approximately midnight**.

Sheik sighed as she rolled over on the top of the wardrobe where she roosted at night. Today had been great, the pranks totally made the day. Sheik grinned, her face free of the cowl. It was awesome having a shirtless mercenary follow you around as your servant for a day.

Especially when the mercenary had mastered the I'm-undressing-you-and-raping-you-but-you-totally-love-it stare.

Sheik grinned.

Five seconds later she shot up and howled in fury. Sheik remembered her promise to serve Ike the next day.

**Next morning.**

Ike burst into Sheik's room, not bothering to knock.

"Wake up." He commanded.

Across the room almost falling off the wardrobe in surprise was Sheik. _Fuck. Oh fuck. Fuckity McFuckerson. This is bad. _She thought.

Sheik breathed in quietly and spread herself across a corner of the wall, pressing her feet and hands to either side to keep from falling.

Needless to say, Ike was very surprised when he pulled the blankets back to reveal Zelda.

"Oh my—Who—How dare—Ike!" Zelda shrieked and clasped the blanket to her thin tank top.

"Turn into Sheik." Ike deadpanned. "It's your turn today."

Zelda stared at Ike. The mercenary sat down at the edge of her bed.

"My deal's with Sheik not you Princess."

"I am She—"

"I know. Just do it."

Zelda stared helplessly at Ike. The mercenary folded his arms and stared at the elf.

Sheik slunk to the floor and slowly advanced. Zelda watched wild-eyed and squeezed her eyes shut when Sheik raised her arms.

Ike slumped to the ground. Knocked out cold.

Sheik held up Zelda's favorite lamp, a gift from her late father. It was made from the finest porcelain and glass, one entire side was smashed in. "Sorry." Sheik shrugged.

**~0~**

When Ike woke up a large bump sat proudly at the back of his head and the ninja was sitting in front of him. Her outfit garish against the innocent cream sheets.

Sheik nodded. "Dumbfuck."

"Slave." Ike said leaning back, a smirk on his face, and savoring the word. "You will address me as Master. Understood?"

Sheik's pride flinched, but her honor meant more, and she _had_ made a promise. Plus Sheik was attracted to this. The masochistic bitch. "Yes master."

"Good girl." Ike smirked, he threw a pile of clothes at her. "Dress." _In front of me_. He added mentally.

Sheik scowled, struggling not to stick five knives in his head. She went into the bathroom and Ike could hear her angry cries and furious smashes as she took out her anger the poor bathroom.

Minutes later Sheik walked out and Ike felt the heat pool in his stomach. He struggled to say something, _compliment her, compliment her_, his mind urged.

"You look good slut." _Goddamn you!_ His mind raged.

Sheik launched halfway across the room, no mean feat in the French maid outfit, with high stockings coming just two inches under the lacey under skirt. As she landed punches on Ike's chest she had to keep a hand free to keep the lacey, flimsy top that clung weakly to her shoulder in place.

"Stop!" Ike cried out in between laughter. "Stop!"

Sheik leant back scowling fiercely at him. Ike propped himself up on his elbows gazing at the ninja on his lap. Her cowl was still in place, but the outfit showed her muscled arms. In her regular clothes they looked harsh and dangerous, here they were slender and curved with delicate muscle. Her legs, dangerous and hard in the blue leggings were long and elegantly curved with hard-earned work.

"You're beautiful." Ike mumbled, trailing a finger up Sheik's thigh. The ninja, blinked watching his finger in morbid fascination. That she vanished in a puff of smoke and Ike coughed beating out the mild flames on his chest.

Ike snarled and stood up, "Okay, first task servant. We'll be playing pranks this morning. There are a few people I want to get back at. I will send you to retrieve materials, you will come back and we shall carry out the pranks from here."

"Yes master." Sheik stood away from him, arms crossed and red eye glaring.

"First prank. We'll be continuing with Mario and Peach today." Ike pulled out a condom. "Get me Captain Falcon's cologne, some water and some flour."

"Flour? Like baking flour?" Sheik asked disbelieving.

"Yep. Get to it sexy." Ike turned around and ripped the condom open.

Sheik cursed at him before disappearing.

The ninja reappeared down the hall, in front of Falcon's door. She opened it quietly and slipped in, Falco and Fox were asleep in their bunks. Someone was in the shower. Sheik narrowed her eye and moving quickly slipped into the bathroom door. A terrifying sound reached her ears.

"SO CALL ME MAYBE!" his silhouette moving obscenely as his hand appeared above the shower curtain, waving a scrubber back and forth as he danced.

Sheik blanched, Falcon was _singing_. Sheik covered her ears snatched a bottle labeled 'Falcon Juice' and bolted. She ran so fast that Falco, who had woken up stumbled backwards and landed on Fox.

**Back in Zelda's room.**

Sheik appeared huffing heavily before dropping everything on the desk. Ike studied her legs momentarily before grabbing the cologne bottle. "Mix the flour with some water, not to gummy not to watery."

Sheik scowled and watched the mercenary douse the condom in Falcon's cologne. It reeked. Sheik handed him the finished mixture and Ike dunked the condom in. He pulled it out and Sheik retreated to the far side of the room, confident that Falcon hormones were floating within a ten foot radius of the condom.

"Perfect." Ike grinned. He threw it at Sheik. "Peach's wastebasket. Now."

"Yes master." Sheik disappeared.

Sheik dropped onto Peach's carpeted floor quietly. The Mushroom princess was snoring quietly and Sheik tossed the condom onto the floor where Mario was sure to see it.

"Sweet dreams." Sheik whispered and disappeared again.

Ike blinked as the ninja appeared inches from his nose. He turned around to the desk, most likely working on the next prank. "Go get me breakfast."

"Fuck you!"

"Extra bacon."

Sheik snarled and walked to the door, looking up and down in case anyone saw her. She rushed down the hall.

Unluckily for Link, the poor unsuspecting bastard, he chose to wake up and walk out the door at that same moment. His eyes widened considerably as a sexy French maid hurled past him.

Link wolf-whistled, "Hey sexy watcha—"

The girl turned around and glared with a demonic red eye. Link choked on his tongue. "Ohgawd—"" was all he had time to say before Sheik punched him square in the nose.

Link fell straight on his back and stared up at the ceiling. Blood leaking from his nostrils, "Why is it always me…." He whined.

**Five minutes later.**

Sheik burst through the door and Ike looked up alarmed. Sheik had a plastic baggie and a paper plate in her hand, a red plastic cup wedged firmly between her arms and rib.

"What happened to your fist?" Ike asked staring at her bloodied fist.

"Punched a few idiots." Sheik shrugged.

Ike grinned at Sheik. Sheik grinned back. Ike didn't see it.

"What are you waiting for servant? Feed me."

Sheik's grin disappeared. "I hate you with everything I have."

Ike chuckled. "I'm getting hungry."

Sheik snarled and dumped the contents of the bag onto the plate. A pile of bacon, what looked to be like Fox's special French toast, Peach's blueberry muffins, and Bowsers special gourmet toast that absolutely no one save the ugly turtle was allowed to eat.

"Did you steal all of this?" Ike asked.

"What? You expected me to cook?" Sheik growled.

"No, I ordered you to get me breakfast not kill me." Ike agreed.

Sheik snarled again and shoved a peace of bacon in Ike's mouth. Ike grinned and sighed at the delicious smoked meat that he swallowed.

"What are you doing now?" Sheik asked as she fed him a slice of toast. Ike savored the taste of fine salt, grated parmesan, and a hint of saffron with the freshest melted butter (understanding Bowser's protectiveness) and swallowed. "Orajel. Makes anywhere you put it numb. Fox showed it to me."

"Who are you getting?" Sheik ate a piece of bacon.

"Bowser."

"Why?"

"This toast is fucking awesome. Here try some." Ike broke off a piece and placed it in Sheik's mouth, leaving his fingers there longer than necessary.

Sheik blinked. Did the toast taste good? Or was it Ike's fingers. Sheiks swallowed. "That is good."

Ike nodded. The turned around holding up an empty toothpaste bottle filled with Orajel. "Shall we servant?"

"We shall master."

Ten minutes later.

Sheik and Ike shook with silent laughter as Bowser came storming out of his room. "Aflub! AGRUBBBBB-aaaaaannnnnn-uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh—" his tongue was swinging madly out of his mouth and a crowd had gathered to laugh at the turtle mutant.

**Mid-afternoon **

"Ok." Ike said, handing Sheik a loaf of bread. "Go smack Marth with this."

Sheik ran out the door and into Marth's room. The prince looked up in surprise, "Sheik?"

Sheik pulled her arm back and slapped Marth across the face. The prince fell backwards off the bed. Indents from the loaf on his pale cheek.

Sheik ran back to Zelda's room glaring at Ike.

"Not funny."

Ike chuckled, "Marth has a thing for loaves of bread. Something to do with the way he was deflowered…I never really asked for the whole story. Was he blushing?"

Sheik thought of Marth's beet red face.

"Yeah."

Ike grinned, "Next. We're getting Pit."

Sheik grinned back.

"I'm coming with you this time. I want you to sit in one of the bathrooms…"Ike whispered as he pulled Sheik along by her elbow.

**Five minutes later.**

"Hey Pit." Ike came up to the angel who was putting on his sandals.

"Hey Ike, what's up?"

"You left something in the bathroom, I think it belongs to you…"

"Oh, okay, I'm coming." Pit walked into the bathroom.

"The big stall." Ike said, his voice shaking silently from constrained laughter.

The angel opened the stall door and stared wide-eyed.

Sheik turned from her position on the toilet, her legs crossed. She pressed her hands together and said, "Ah, young one, welcome to Narnia."

Pit screamed and flew out of the bathroom, oblivious to Ike who was howling on the floor. Sheik couldn't help it. She giggled and Ike stopped laughing long enough to savor the sound. It was beautiful to say the least.

"Mm mm…"Ike closed his eyes. "Alright back to the room."

**Early evening**

After forcing Sheik to make his bed for him, and after a brief fight involving hair cream and knives Sheik was happy to be at the end of the day. They were outside on a secluded rotunda and she was feeding him his desert. Dinner, which she had stolen from Prince Marth's delicatessen imports was already finished and she was growling every time Ike bit too close to her fingers as she fed him chocolate covered strawberries.

"You did well servant."

"Thank you Master."

Ike nodded. He studied Sheik's face. The ninja was currently faced away from him, looking at the moon. Ike didn't' recall Sheik being this beautiful as Zelda. Ike, too busy studying Sheik didn't notice that he bit too far. He enclosed Sheik's fingers in his mouth and the ninja's head snapped around so fast, Ike got whiplash just looking at her.

Sheik's eyes widened in surprise. Ike didn't move. Sheik twitched. And Ike acted. On instinct. An act of stupidity. And maybe, sort of, kind of, _maybe_, love. Or lust, really he didn't know it just happened so fast…

Ike grabbed Sheik by the back of the head, slipped her cowl off and pressed his mouth to hers.

It was just like he remembered it. She was soft and full, her lips tasting of cinnamon and smelling pleasantly of gunpowder.

Ike tilted her head to give him a better position and to his chagrin Sheik bit his lip. Hard, but she didn't pull back

Ike grinned and pulled her onto his lap. One arm around her neck the other gently grasping her waist.

**At this exact moment in Zelda's room.**

Zelda was very cranky. She had spent the better part of the day hiding in the closet after Sheik had knocked out Ike. Her legs hurt and her back was stiff.

So when someone walked into the room she didn't react in time. Not that it mattered.

Hand floated in, a guilty looking Link behind him.

"I know." Hand said calmly.

"You know sir?" Zelda asked politely, panicking inside, "Know what?"

"I know. He knows. I know. But only we know." Hand gestured to himself and Link.

"Sir?" Zelda prayed that he wasn't talking about Sheik.

"Where is Sheik?" Hand asked.

"Sir I am Sheik—"

"She's outside on the rotunda currently lip-locked with Ike." Hand said calmly.

Zelda blushed and Link fainted.

**Sorry guys…kind of bland…yeah. So I tried to get it out and well this sorry excuse chapter burst up.**

**And I apologize for last chapter…the grammar was horrible, ugh I'm ashamed to look at it….so really sorry about that. Sorry about the late update, and I'll try to get the next chapter up by Thursday…Saturday night at the latest. **

**Thanks for reading guys, you're awesome.**

**Sippurp123: Heehee, thanks, I try to make things funny, but they just end up sounding better in my head then on screen ya know? But I'm glad you think it's funny =D lolz maybe I'm not fail =D. Thanks for the review.**

**Mugetsu21: ah~ thank you dearly, I had to ahem, research a bit haha, but it came out good yeah? Yeah, like I said I try to update as regularly as possible cuz well you know, authors and not updating, yeah. Bad stuff. Bad stuff. But thanks dearly for the review~**

**FantasmaLuminum: Thank you! I'm kind of lazy…..so….haha, but yeah I like to update on a general schedule so I don't keep ya'll wonderful reviewers from waiting =D. Your review is appreciated =)**

**BipolarIke: oh gosh… is she really dead? Wow. Well that was a failure on my part…yeah I had never heard of Fire Emblem until Smash, so I guess I suck xD. And yeah, Ike carried the bed by himself, he's just that utterly sexy. And strong. And sexy. Heehee =D. thanks for the review, BipolarIke.**

**Yep, you guys are amazing. Read and review!**

**-CP **


	8. Of Shower Heads and Boy's Bathrooms

"You know." Zelda said faintly. Her delicate frame trembled and Link moved to steady her.

"Yes I do. In fact I suspected it for a while." Hand said moving to a relaxed position. "I can't imagine you Zelda, kissing Ike when you are involved with Link."

"We're not involved." Zelda blushed.

"He's right." Link puffed up his chest. "Plus Sheik is so different from you."

"Are you going to ban us?" Zelda whispered.

Hand sighed tiredly and Zelda's stomach sank. "Considering the deceit you and Sheik have pulled off—oh! And all the damage Sheik has done, ruining the entire garden, devastating the kitchen, completely demolishing the villain's bathroom, shaming Ganondorf to oblivion, destroying the villain's clothes, trying to kill Ike, and generally scaring the living shit out of everyone in Smash mansion…."

Zelda hid her face in Link's shoulder. The Hero of Time looked forlorn as he held his princess closer. Looking at Hand with pleading eyes.

"I'm going to have to say yes." Hand continued.

"Yes?" Link asked.

"You had to drag it out!" Zelda cried, collapsing onto a nearby chair.

"Why?" Link asked. Zelda glared at him, "Well I mean not that I'm not happy, but I mean…_why_?"

"Well it wouldn't be fair…Nana and Popo are siblings and they fight together. At the same time. It wouldn't be fair to ban you and Sheik, you're siblings, but you don't fight at the same time. Technically you two are more legal than the Ice Climbers. Plus, Sheik has way more fans than you think…the majority of them could probably kick my ass if I kicked Sheik off."

"Do I have fans?" Link asked hopefully.

"No." Hand turned back to Zelda, "But you must promise to not separate in Brawl to both play at once."

"Because that would be bad." Link said.

"That would be bad." Hand agreed. "If you two would like to keep your secret you may, I have already given my permission. Now it's your problem."

Zelda smiled gratefully. "It is much appreciated Master Hand."

Hand bobbed, "Well, good night Zelda. Link."

Link raised his gloved hand and the elves watched the white glove bob towards the door, opening it, only to close it again immediately.

"On second thought I'll just wait in here for a moment."

"Why—" Link began, but was interrupted with a yell.

"You dickless, ugly anorexic toad!" Sheik screamed at the top of her lungs. Crashes were heard from outside, Link heard Ike yelp in pain as the familiar sound of Sheik's knives sliced through clothing.

"You insane bitch!" Ike shouted as he retaliated with a swing of Ragnell. Zelda heard the sickening sound of the flat side of a sword meet flesh. She whimpered in pain for Sheik.

"Ike." Sheik's voice floated through the door. "Never have I met someone so obtuse, so dumb, so idiotic, so ugly, you brainless piece of shit." Link winced. That hurt _him_.

Ike growled and the three bystanders cowered in their dark room.

"Sheik, you're one to talk—being an ugly sadistic bitch with no friends—"

"I don't need friends Ike Greil. And you better protect your dick because next time you decide to kiss me I'll castrate you."

Ike smirked, "I'm willing to take that risk." He opened the door to Zelda's room, stepping aside like a gentleman, and facing Sheik, therefore missing the three witnesses. But Sheik saw them. Her red eye widened momentarily and then she snarled. Grabbing Ike by the scruff of his neck and chucking him down the hallway.

"Go fuck yourself." Sheik growled at him.

"Just waiting for you!" Ike called back throwing a vase at the Sheikah. Sheik held up one bandaged hand to deflect it and gave Ike her favorite death glare.

She slammed the door behind her and turned to stare at Hand, Link and Zelda.

"So you know." Sheik nodded at Zelda then pointed to herself, not missing a beat.

Hand nodded.

"I'm going to have to kill you know." Three knives appeared in her hand and a maniacal chuckle slipped through her cowl as she stepped towards Hand.

Hand moved backwards, "Actually Sheik, it's okay, you can stay at the mansion, but you and Zelda can't fight together, good night." He rushed out.

Sheik blinked and turned around to Zelda and Link.

The blond elf grinned at the bandaged woman. "So. Does Ike kiss well?"

Zelda closed her eyes and sighed.

Sheik growled.

Next thing he knew, Link was sailing through the air, breaking the door and slamming against the opposite wall. He was fairly sure his spine had shattered.

**Next morning. **

Three new things happened that day.

First, Zelda had a new door.

Second, Captain Falcon was laying, twitching on the ground of the dining hall, after Mario found the condom in Peach's bedroom last night.

And third, poor Pit came flying out of his room, screaming, feathers flying all over the place, tripping over his feet.

Everyone knows how the first two things happened but the third was created by….interesting events.

Let's begin with Ike.

The mercenary had woken up with pleasant dreams. Involving chasing Sheik around with a chain-saw and then tackling her to the ground kissing her senseless.

Sheik also awoke with a pleasant dream. Though she would forever alter the end of it. Her dream involved beating Ike up with a crowbar (Pit was flying in the background) when something stuck her in the butt. Enraged Sheik turned around to see a heart arrow stuck in her bottom. Sheik looked up to see Pit who was flying away faster than she had ever seen.

The ninja turned around to look at Ike and well…..you can guess what happened next.

Sheik woke up smiling.

"You're in a good mood." Zelda noted as she stepped out of the bathroom, her hair wet from a recent shower. "You should clean. No offense but you stink of Ike."

Sheik growled and snatched a towel off the rack as she stomped towards the bathroom.

Back to Ike.

Ike cursed furiously as he pounded on his shower stall. He hated his bathroom. It never worked. _All_ the girls in the mansion got hot water whenever they wanted, but the boy's bathrooms only worked whenever they fucking felt like it.

Needless to say Ike did not get along well with his bathroom.

Ike scowled at the shower head, "Look I know we had some rough patches but do you think you could work just this once for me?"

The shower head trickled water. Mocking Ike.

"You're mocking me." Ike snarled. "Fine. I'll go take a shower somewhere else."

And so, Ike found himself in front of Sheik's door, "Open up ninja bitch!"

Inside the room Zelda inhaled sharply, and Sheik's colorful language spouted out from the bathroom, loud and clear.

The ninja stepped out of the bathroom, clad in a towel. "Go away dumbfuck! I'm busy!"

"I'm opening the door in three…."

Sheik cursed loudly and rushed to wind her cowl around her head.

"Two…"

Zelda stood frozen in panic. Sheik grabbed her roughly and threw her into the bathroom again.

"One." Ike walked through the door, lazily. A towel low slung across his waist, the V of his lower stomach trailing enticingly into the folds of his towel. His muscled arms were crossed over his well-toned chest and an infuriating smirk on his face as she studied Sheik appraisingly.

Her body was wrapped in a towel, just as revealing as her maid outfit and Ike once again forced himself to concentrate on her face, which was still in its cowl.

"You know last night, I didn't get the chance to see your face." Ike commented.

"I know. Because I smacked the hell out of you once you let me breathe."

"Ah, the way _I_ remember it, _you_ were eating _my_ face off."

"Whatever makes you happy." Sheik snarled.

"I know." Ike grinned. "Anyways, I'm here to take a shower."

"What?"

"I'm here to shower, mine won't work."

"I don't fucking care, go find a damn pond to bathe in!"

"No thanks." Ike walked past Sheik, "I'll just use yours."

"Like hell you will." Sheik grabbed Ike's arm, and she struggled not to squeeze it because damn, his bicep was huge.

"Mine won't work." Ike complained.

Sheik growled, "Let's go look at it." She complied. The Sheikah and the mercenary walked to the boy's room, bypassing a snoring Link who was clad in boxers with triforce shields on them.

"Zelda gave those to him." Sheik said off-handedly as they walked into the bathroom. Ike smirked.

"Which one?" Sheik asked.

"The big one. Well all of them don't work, but the big one is mine."

"The big one?"

"Like me." Ike patted his lower-towel-area. Sheik rolled her eyes, thoroughly disgusted.

They both stepped into the shower. Sheik eyed the showerhead wearily. She had heard horror stories from Link about the boy bathrooms. How sometimes they would spurt ice cold water, or dirty water from the villains upstairs. She was very apprehensive.

Which was why she made Ike turn the valve, in case anything bad happened she could blame it on Ike.

Well, as it was said before, the boy's bathroom works whenever it fucking feels like it. So when a great moaning from the pipes was heard, and creaking coming from all walls. The two occupants knew they were fucked.

The showerhead burst and freezing water burst out. Sheik yelped and held up her hands to shield herself from the onslaught of cold water. Thus dropping her towel.

Whatever had been holding back the water in the pipes burst out and hit Ike in the face with a wet smack.

Howling in surprise he clawed at his face and threw it off of him.

"DON'T _LOOK_!" Sheik screeched socking Ike in the face.

The mercenary caught a brief glimpse of Sheik, beautiful legs, a well-proportioned body, something he would mind running his hands all over…and then her fist connected with his face. Mercenary down.

"DUMB _FUCK_!" Sheik shouted, scrambling around for her towel, before slipping on the wet floor and landing on Ike.

Ike opened his eyes briefly to grin at Sheik.

"Ike don't you dare—"

Ike tilted his head, grabbed the back of Sheik's neck and placed his lips comfortably onto hers. Despite Sheik's object nakedness her lips moved to fit perfectly to his.

It was at this moment that Pit had rushed into the bathroom. He frowned, worrying about Ike whom he had heard yelling.

Pit moved cautiously towards the big stall and well….

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Pit screamed, tripping backwards over his sandals. He scrambled out of the bathroom.

Link shot up, "What? What?"

Pit didn't spare him a glance as he continued screaming, sprinting out of the room.

**Five hours later. Girl's room.**

"Sheik?" Zelda whispered in the dark.

A figure on top of the wardrobe sighed and turned over, "Yes?"

"Do you like Ike?"

Five knives impaled themselves above Zelda's head.

"Would you like to die princess?"

Zelda smirked, "I'll take that as a yes." She said softly.

**Boy's room.**

Ike was sitting on his wooden chair. Marth frowning as he pressed a cotton swab to Ike's bruise.

"So how did this happen?"

"Sheik, water, and no towels." Ike responded.

"Ah."

Pit was huddled in the corner of his bed, rocking back and forth.

Link frowned, "Wow…dude…you're alive."

"Yeah."

"What'd her legs look like?" Link asked.

Ike snarled and hurled a pillow at Link's face.

Marth sighed. He put the cotton swab down.

"Guys." Ike said.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm in love with Sheik."

"No." Marth said aghast.

Pit squeaked.

Link paled.

"Yes." Ike said firmly.

"Dude she threatened to castrate you!" Link waved his arms around.

"She'll kill you in your sleep!" Pit yelped.

"Yeah man….I get this tingly feeling when I'm around her."

"That's common sense leaving your body!" Pit screamed, pushing Marth aside and shaking Ike by the shoulders.

**Alright guys, I know I said Saturday, and I swear I had this ready, but I'm coming down with a cold, and I can't tell the difference between my fingers and my hands. **

**I'll do author notes next time because I'm feeling a little like CRAP. **

**And thanks so much for reviewing you guys, seriously, I mean, ya'lls amazing, I probably would have stopped this story but you guys are pretty damn awesome. **

**I don't own anything. **

**And now I'm going to take some medicine and fall asleep on the stairs cuz that's where I be typing right now. **

**~CP**


	9. My Mercenary

Zelda stared at Sheik.

Sheik stared at Zelda.

Zelda placed her delicate gloved hands on the arms of the chair Sheik was currently sitting on.

"Sheik." Zelda said, her voice more serious than if someone had died.

"What Zelda?" Sheik asked, thoroughly bored.

Zelda stood straight. Her face as serious as her voice. "Sheik, no situation has been as _dangerous_ as before. _No_ situation has dealt with such _volatile_ characters as now. _No_ situation can measure up to the _enmity_ between our two subjects now. _No_ situation has placed the _kingdom_ of _Hyrule_ in as much danger as this one. _No_ situation has endangered two _enormous_ kingdoms. _No_ situation has involved two _enormously important_ universes as the situation we are in right _now_."

Sheik sat up straight, she was listening now, "What? What's going on Zelda? Has Ganondorf allied with the villains again?"

"This circumstance has absolutely nothing to do with the villains, and everything to do with you."

"Wh—"

"The enormity with this condition has been discussed between me and Link, the both of us have agreed that the outcome could seriously affect the world as we know it."

"Zelda!" Sheik was standing now, she was begging to get worried.

"Link and I have agreed that we should intervene now before something terrible happens."

"Zelda what is it?" Sheik shouted.

"You and Ike are in love!" Zelda shrieked, no longer able to keep a straight face Zelda's beam lit up the room, she giggled and squealed like a girl in a slumber party armed with pillows and ice cream.

"_What_?" Sheik exploded.

Zelda remained in a corner of the room for about a half hour a protective shield of magic encasing her as Sheik went about terrorizing the room.

**Another half hour later.**

Link's boots thumped over Zelda's carpeted floor, skillfully avoiding the carnage Sheik had wrought. Zelda sat in a chair that survived Sheik, her hands folded carefully in her lap as she thought with Link.

Sheik on the other hand sat on top of the desk, glowering. Daring one of them to make eye contact with her.

"I think you should tell Ike." Link finally said, carefully avoiding Sheik's eyes.

"Like hell I'll tell him." Sheik spat out. She ripped off her cowl snarling at Link who dared to look up.

Link wilted into the wallpaper.

"Sheik." Zelda tried gently, "I think you should tell him…you two obviously have some chemistry."

Approximately nine knives appeared in the wall above Zelda's head.

"I hate him." Sheik said defiantly.

"Exactly!" Zelda replied. "Sheik, Ike told Link that he _liked_ you."

"Loved you." Link corrected from the background.

"Shut up you." Sheik snarled rounding on Link.

"Leave Link alone Sheik. He's telling the truth. I cornered Marth and Pit this morning. They heard him."

"In fact he's looking for you." Link said.

Sheik growled, "I don't care what that spineless pig said. I don't like him. Besides, he thinks I'm _you_." Sheik glared at Zelda.

Link opened his mouth prepared to say something when Zelda giggled. Sheikah and Hero looked at the princess, not expecting her to seem flattered.

"Yes well…he is rather good looking isn't he?" Zelda fluttered her long lashes. "His arms are very muscular, his jaw is really rather defined….and the looks he gives you just sort of melts you heart doesn't it?"

"Zelda?!" Link asked aghast, his heart cracking in two.

Sheik's glare magnified by a thousand as her fists clenched.

"I mean, sorry Link but Ike is rather…..oh I don't know…._sexy_." Zelda giggled again and smiled sweetly at Sheik.

Sheik's glare was enough to make Zelda pray to every deity she knew to spare her of Sheik's wrath.

Zelda blinked as Sheik flashed across the room to stand in front of the princess. The ninja's posture was aggressive and her face was twisted in a mask of hate.

"Leave my mercenary alone." Sheik snarled under her breath.

"I knew it!" Zelda cried happily, "Oh my goodness, you two are going to date, then marry, then have beautiful little ninja children with blue hair and red eyes, oh my goodness, you two would be adorable parents, and Sheik oh my, you'd look gorgeous in a wedding dress, Ike would wear a black suit, your wedding would be in Hyrule…oh….you'll have to visit if you live in Crimea, and you must always bring your kids when you visit, oh, I can't wait to meet my nieces and nephews, you'll both make beautiful children!" the princess babbled happily, clapping her hands delightedly like a child.

Link watched all this with a mended heart, relief evident on his face but his lower jaw resting on the floor.

Sheik glared at the princess. She ran her hands through her hair and for the first time Link saw her face completely.

Through his abject shock at Zelda, he was able to appreciate the find contours of her face, slender like Zelda's, but where Zelda's features were elegant like a swan's, Sheik's were elegant like that of lioness. Delicate and beautiful, but lithe and deadly, untamed and lovely.

"Stop staring dumbfuck." Sheik snarled as she turned around, placing her hands on her head. "I still hate him."

"Naturally." Zelda said still grinning. "Will I be your maid of honor?"

"I'm not having a wedding."

"Yet." Zelda said.

"Yet." Link agreed.

"Shut up." Sheik snarled, her cowl back in place, knives grazed the straps of Zelda's dress. She shrieked as her gown slowly slid off her chest, grasping it desperately to her collar bone she hurried into the bathroom.

On the other side of the room Sheik had already pinned Link to the wall, placed an apple on his head, and was practicing her aim. The poor elf wailing as the knives teasingly got closer to his pointed ears.

**Two hours later.**

Ike scowled as he walked up the stairs, steadily advancing to Sheik's room.

"She's not in there." Said a voice. Ike turned to find the Hero of Time walking out of their room, "Zelda's back in a good mood. You probably won't be seeing Sheik around again for a long, _long_ time."

Ike felt his stomach drop. "W-Where is she?"

"Zelda? The library." Link walked down the hall. "Come on I'll show you."

The mercenary followed the elf up a flight of stairs to the enormous library.

They found Zelda sitting alone in a corner, surrounded by books.

"Good morning Ike." Zelda said pleasantly, "Isn't it such a lovely day?"

"Cut the crap Princess. Where is Sheik?" Ike snarled.

"Sheik?" Zelda said looking mildly surprised, "Why, she's gone, or rather within me as you well know."

"Bullshit." Ike's hands slammed onto the table. "Where is she and what did you do to her?"

"I already told you, inside me." Zelda struggled not to smirk.

"_My_ Sheik wouldn't just disappear." Ike snarled again.

Zelda laughed like a happy child inwardly, they were so adorable. "I'm sorry Ike, but Sheik and I are the same. And well, I'm already Link's."

"You and Sheik are not the same." Ike growled, "If you were the same, why is Sheik so much more badass? Why is her mouth way filthier? Why is she so much more beautiful than you? Why is it that I couldn't care for you but I would die for her? _Huh_?!"

It hurt Zelda to be so cold to him, "Ike, I am Sheik, I'm sorry but you fell for an illusion. Sheik is nothing more than my shadow, my alter ego." Zelda stood up and her form glowed. She switched to Sheik and Ike looked at the woman he had come to adore before she switched back quickly to Zelda.

"I'm sorry Ike."

Ike blinked his heart sufficiently broken.

Link walked over to Zelda and placed his arm around her hips, "Sorry, Ike…we tried to tell you."

Ike ignored the Hero of Time and turned around, "Excuse me Princess….Link. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

The mercenary walked out of the library, his back straight his heart shattered.

Zelda's heart hurt a little watching him walk away. Link coughed and rubbed his eyes, trying to pretend he had something in his eye.

"Believe us now?" Zelda said aloud.

Sheik stepped out from behind a bookcase. She crossed her arms but her glare was half-hearted and her stance was more defeated then predatory.

"I hate you guys." Sheik said, knives appearing in her hand but instead of throwing them she fiddled with them, avoiding their gaze. "Are you crying?" she asked Link.

"No." Link snapped, "My eyes are just sweating."

"You should have gone with the eyelash one." Zelda sighed.

"Shuddup." Link bawled, "Did you see his face? I was ready to just hug him, or throw down the bookcase and shove Sheik at him."

"Ugh." Sheik said, disgusted.

"Go get him." Zelda urged.

Sheik didn't bother arguing she spun around on her feet and sprinted from out of the bookcases.

"They are going to have such beautiful babies." Link said, his nose stuffy.

Zelda nodded dreamily, "Oh, can't you just imagine a little blue head boy with Sheik's eyes, aw, wielding a mini-ragnell."

"I'm gonna be an uncle." Link agreed.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A bloodcurdling shriek rang out. Link yelped and Zelda flinched.

"She disappears for five seconds and something bad happens already?" Zelda complained.

A puff of smoke appeared before the two elves.

Sheik appeared seconds after the first puff.

Struggling before her was Pit and Marth their faces panic stricken.

"Please don't kill me." Pit begged, hiding behind Marth.

"Link!" Marth yelped, standing upright, "Ike has approached me, declaring that he wishes to take a break from brawl to sort out his…_feelings_…this has to do with Sheik and I know it. Ah, Princess Zelda." Marth bowed, his cape sweeping behind him.

Marth's eyes popped open, he looked up at an open-mouthed Zelda, then behind him at a shaking Pit (mumbling something about death and heaven), to a glowering Sheik. Her arms folded, her glare terrifying and a long chain crackling with electricity, menacingly swaying with each delicate twist of her wrist.

"What in the name of Altea is going on here?" Marth asked calmly.

"Crazy shit." Sheik shrugged, advancing slowly, stepping on Pit as if he were level ground, "And now, I'm going to have to kill you."

"Sheik no!" Zelda cried.

But the panicked prince was already racing around the library, Sheik chasing him, knives hurling everywhere, books set on fire, Sheiks chain cracking angrily, and Pit sobbing on the floor.

**Twenty minutes later.**

"So you like Ike." Marth said carefully, nursing his fractured shoulder.

Sheik snarled, "More or less."

"And Ike likes you." Marth said.

"He talks about you in his sleep." Pit said, sitting on the opposite side of the table, sipping tea from the tea set Zelda had laid out before them on the library table.

Link dumped two spoonfuls of sugar into his cup, "He's right, it's hard sleeping when Ike's growling about you, telling off imaginary villains about touching 'his woman'."

"His woman?" Sheik exclaimed, "That sorry, dickless, bastardly, good-for-nothing, dumbass chicken shit—"

"How are you going to tell him?" Marth asked.

"We were planning on a sort of wing it approach." Zelda confessed, taking tiny lady like sips.

"—that maggot faced, son of a bitch—"

"Considering that everyone in smash mansion assumes you and Sheik to be one and the same that seems like the best idea." Marth agreed.

Link nodded, "Well no doubt that will cause some gossip for a few days but Ike and Sheik well…." Link gestured to the Sheikah who was still spitting out insults.

"I don't think they'll care." Pit said wisely.

"They won't." Zelda agreed.

"—disgusting jerk-faced, sexist pig—"

"You know, life makes so much more sense to know you two are not one and the same." Marth said thoughtfully.

"—Possessive asshole—"

"Yeah, now I know to avoid only one person instead of two. You know in case Zelda randomly decided to phase into Sheik and kick my ass for no apparent reason, now I don't have to worry about it." Pit said, waving his teacup around.

"—hideous troll-faced loser, thinking he owns me!—"

"They're going to make beautiful babies." Marth noted, watching Sheik rage.

"That stupid dumbfuck of mine." Sheik huffed.

"I know." Zelda beamed.

**So guys, spring break yeaaaah! Woohoo….!**

**So sorry to say this guys, but this will be the second to last chapter! YEAH! So sorry if it seemed to move so fast, but well, come on, Ike and Sheik are irrational, plus I think I gave them enough time and trials to fall in love. Or close to it, Sheik hasn't admitted it yet, but whatever. **

**BipolarIke: Yeah Insane is pretty kewl =D. Ike and Sheik are well, an awesome pairing, they deserve as much insanity as possible ya'know? And about Shadow Brawl, *sigh* I was such an idiot for putting it in the first chapter. See, I had a plot for it but then the story just sort of blew up and went the way it wanted to, so I'm not gonna use it so much for this **_**particular**_** story. Note, **_**particular**_**. I **_**may**_** make a sequel for this story and then center it around Shadow Brawl, or **_**maybe**_** make a new story altogether with Ike and Sheik and Shadow Brawl. Yeah, long review, long answer; D thanks for the review dude. **

**Mugetsu21: Uh, I should be thanking you ;). Thanks so much for reviewing, dude, seriously all of these fanfictions, they're nothing without reviewer's ya'know? Terribly sorry about it being so short, I don't really notice the length of my chapters until I brave reading my stories actually on the site. Yeah, I'm not the brave so I don't read 'em that often ;D. Yeah, the stairs weren't that great, I tried making the long journey to my room, didn't work out, I conked out halfway. Oh well, I'm not on the stairs now =D. To make up for the shortness, I'll update in two days dun dun duuuuuun. **

**FantasmaLuminum: Yeaaaah, not sure what I was thinking at the time, but I enjoyed writing about Link getting beaned by Sheik, lawl, I think that was my favorite. Thanks very much for the review, and I'm uber glad that the ending was good. =DDD.**

**Moon Dancer: Haha, honestly at first I didn't like Falco until I played the Subspace thing for Brawl. Yep. Saw him in a different light, serious, he was a badass. Thanks for the review =D.**

**So guys, as I mentioned, I will update in two days. However, if I feel like it, maybe I'll update tomorrow. Because a broken hearted Ike just hurts me inside. **

**=D**

**~CP**


	10. Happeh Ending?

Ike walked out of the library and ran into Marth and Pit.

"Hey Ike." Pit greeted cheerily.

"Hey."

Marth frowned, "Ike are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just that the crazy psychotic bitch who managed to cage my heart turned out to be nothing more but a shadow." Ike shrugged. "You know…maybe I should take a break from here….just for a little while."

"Oh…" Pit said, completely bewildered.

"Oh…" Marth said, feeling rather pathetic as the strongest man he knew walked down the hall defeated, shoulders hunched and arms limp by his sides.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go mope and get drunk with Falco now. Maybe Fox and Captain Falcon to." Ike leaned heavily on the railing as he walked down the stairs.

"This has something to do with Sheik." Marth said, his face tight, "How dare she turn Ike into a quivering mass of Jell-O."

"What is this Jell-O you speak of?" Pit asked suspiciously.

"A dish that quivers within your stomach." Marth answered, "Come Pit, let's find Zelda and demand to see Sheik."

Pit nodded and moved to open the library door.

"You go first." Pit said, shoving Marth into the library and causing him to smack into a lithe figure dressed in blue.

One red eye glared down at them.

"Oh shit." Marth said.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Pit screeched.

**30 Minutes Later. After tea with Zelda, Link, Sheik, Marth and Pit.**

"Well." Zelda stood up from her chair and dusted her hands, "Let's go Sheik."

"Where?"

"To get Ike!"

"Whoa, wait, _now_?"

"Yes now." Zelda said indignantly, "When? After he's gone back to Crimea?"

"Well…yeah…."Sheik frowned, "Why should I go now?"

"You go get Ike before Peach ensnares him." Zelda threatened, "She may have Mario, but you never know."

"The slut!" Sheik said outraged, and she disappeared.

"I hate when she does that." Link complained, "That means I have to run."

Zelda giggled, "Yes, primal beings such as yourself run, with your fancy swords. What's better now? Metal sticks or magic?" and with that she disappeared into green light.

"This is not a metal stick." Link said, highly offended, "I am highly offended."

Marth sighed, "Let's go."

And the three primal beings ran. Well, Marth and Link walked, Pit floated on his angelic wings, only running into the door beams twice.

**In the Dining Hall. **

Sheik appeared outside the dining hall door. She opened the door and immediately spotted Ike who was at the very far end, sitting alone, a full mug in front of him untouched, she looked around some more and slammed the door shut.

_Everyone_ was in there.

"Why is everyone in there?" She complained to the heavens.

"What do you suggest? They starve?" Zelda said appearing next to her.

"Yes." Sheik snapped.

Zelda ignored her and opened the door slightly, "Oh, Ike's just over there, why don't you go?"

Sheik glared at her, "Because everyone is there."

"Not everyone, Master Hand is absent but if you would like me to get him—"

"Shut up Zelda." Sheik snarled, "Okay, I need a plan…." She snapped her finger, "I know, I'll set the doors on fire, when everyone sees the smoke they'll run for safety."

"Ike won't run?"

"Not if he's pinned to the wall." Sheik held up three slim gleaming knives.

"Sheik, let's try not to kill everyone in Smash mansion."

"What do you suggest?"

"Walk out there!" Zelda waved her arms around, "Who cares if everyone looks? They'll have to get used to it sometime or other!"

"She's right." Link said coming to a stop by Zelda with his hands on his knees, his face very red, "Besides…they wouldn't make a big deal out of it if they wanted to—"

"Stay alive." Marth finished, waving his hand in front of his face.

Pit crashed into the ceiling above them and fell to the ground. Zelda sighed, "Come along boys. Sheik may wait out here if she so wishes."

And with that Zelda grabbed Pit's wings and Marth's cape, walking into the dining hall with Link in tow, looking back apologetically.

Sheik sneered horribly but they were already gone, and she was left alone outside in the hall.

"Alright. Breathe." Sheik murmured, "What are you afraid of? Walking in a hall up to dumbfuck? You have faced much scarier things, now get out there!" Sheik pointed to the door.

Sheik's legs did not move.

"Dammit." Sheik mumbled. She began to pace, "Okay screw Zelda, where can I get some matches…." Sheik looked up and came face to face with Yoshi who had walked out of the dining hall.

"Hey." Sheik said indifferently.

The dinosaur squeaked and laid a spotted green egg before running back inside. Yoshi was fairly certain that Zelda had been in the dining room, and he had no idea why Sheik would be out in the first place.

Sheik ignored the egg and kept on pacing, "Matches…I don't need matches, I could use a flamethrower…" Sheik looked up and saw Samus walking down the stairs.

"Hey." Sheik said again, expecting the robot woman to at least short-circuit or something.

But Samus was a badass so she just raised her suited hand and walked into the dining room like she ran into deranged ninja's every day before lunch.

"Alright, fuck flamethrowers I need a firework and some dry brush." Sheik said, "Fireworks, where can I get fireworks…" Sheik turned around and spotted Mario. The Italian stared at the Sheikah.

"What the hell are you looking at?" Sheik demanded.

"Ah-nothing…" Mario backed away slowly. He watched National Geo-Wild. He learned that when in the presence of wild animals it was best not to make eye contact, and back away submissively.

"Hey, wait, don't you shoot fireballs?" Sheik asked advancing slowly.

"No…Yes...no…wait..." Mario held up his hands, "I have to go." He bolted back up the stairs.

"Whatever, I didn't need you anyway. Stupid meatball." Sheik grumbled. "Okay…all I really need is fire…"

"Why would you need fire?" a voice asked. Sheik turned around to see Master Hand.

"So I can set the dining hall on fire and kill everyone. Do you mind?"

"Not at all." Hand said as he opened the door, "Oh look! Ike and Peach are talking…I do hope Peach got over that incident a few days ago….my, her dress is rather low-cut."

"BITCH!" Sheik growled and threw open the door, sufficiently smashing Hand in the process.

Sheik strode down the first aisle walking towards the far table which now consisted of Zelda, Marth, Pit and Link, obviously trying to comfort Ike. Peach was nowhere to be seen.

"Bastard." Sheik growled again as she walked by Falco and Fox.

The bird's beak was open and Fox was trying not stare. The Sheikah was obviously mad, walking with clenched fists and a predatory stride.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" she scowled not bothering to look at them.

Bowser who was sitting a little way's farther had the bad luck to walk backwards into Sheik's path.

"Move turtle shit." Sheik snarled, smacking Bowser out of the way. He felt backwards onto a table, snapping it in half.

As she got closer to the table Ike was sitting at, she began to feel unsure…this was the moment. Admit she liked Ike openly to him, or walk away and never step back into his life again. She hated the decisions Ike forced her into. That moron. How dare he. Come to think of it, Sheik was a little mad at Ike. The idiot had the nerve to kiss her yesterday, without her permission, not that he had asked for it the other times.

Scowling Sheik marched up to Ike whose back was facing her. She folded her arms and cleared her throat angrily.

"Look whoever you are, I'm not in the mood. Go away." Ike glared up at Marth and Link who were in front of him, "You guys too. Seriously."

"Move dumbfuck." Sheik growled, pushing Ike sideways as she sat down, grabbing a cookie from the plate Zelda had set in front of him.

"Who the hell—" Ike sat up straight and reached for Ragnell before he turned to look at who dared to use his favorite nickname. His eyes widened and the heart that was dead slowly began to beat again.

Sheik didn't mind the way he looked at her.

"Ninja bitch." Ike said calmly, grabbing the cookie from out of her mouth. "Push me again and I'll kick your ass to Hyrule for you."

"I'd like to see you try." Sheik sneered moving to punch him.

Ike grabbed her wrists and held it to his chest before grinning, "I'd never do that. I'd miss you too much."

Sheik pulled down her cowl to grin at him, "Fuck you."

Ike laughed and pulled her close. Sheik wound her fingers through her hair before turning to glare at the awestruck group in front of them.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she demanded, pulling her hand briefly away from Ike's hair to pull three knives from the air.

"I think they do." Ike held up Ragnell, never letting go of Sheik's waist.

"Oh yeah!" Marth blushed.

"Sorry!" Link said, covering his eyes.

"We should go—"

"Can I be the flower boy?" Pit asked naively.

"Let's go." Zelda said quickly, grabbing Pit by his tunic and towards the exit.

Ike scowled and turned to face everyone in the dining hall, "That goes for the rest of you too."

"Yeah." Sheik said holding up multiple knives now, "Beat it."

No one needed to be told twice.

Once the dining hall was completely empty, Ike turned back to Sheik, "Ninja bitch." He said affectionately, stroking her face.

"Dumbfuck." Sheik responded hitching her legs around his waist.

Ike lowered his head to kiss her. She was just like he remembered it, soft and firm, tasting of caramel and smelling of gunpowder.

He was just like she remembered him, strong, unyielding but tasting sweet.

He pulled back and grinned at her.

"I hate you." Sheik mumbled.

"I know." Ike said as he bent down to kiss her, again and again and again.

**Epilogue! Because I'm the author and I can!**

And so, Sheik and Ike entered a relationship that was a dangerous as it was romantic. It was far from perfect. There were plenty of fights over reasonless things, Ike learned to dodge knives almost as good as Sheik, and Sheik learned to swing Ragnell around almost as well as Ike.

There were many fights but not once did either of them leave the other. There were times when Sheik could only stand being around Ike, and Ike could only stand being around Sheik. And there were times when all Sheik wanted was for Ike to hold and there were times when all Ike wanted was to have Sheik in his arms.

Eventually they married, and Pit got to be the flower boy, Link presented the rings, Zelda was the maid of honor, Marth was the best man. The entire Smash Mansion attended the wedding and everyone was involved in tricking Sheik into a dress, in the end it was Zelda who convinced her and Ike who helped her dress.

And yes, they did have beautiful ninja mercenary kids, but well, that's another story.

**Ahhhh! AWWWWW! I'm crying. Haha just kidding, I put a happy ending there's no reason to cry. **

**So, I wanted to thank you all, seriously all you amazing reviewers, you guys are freaking amazing. You reviewed the story even when I didn't update when I was supposed to, when I conked out on the stairs, when I tried to be funny but I was obviously not. Yeah, it was great run guys, lawl. **

**Thank you guys, man, ya'lls is amazing:**

**Mugetsu21**

**WaterDragon645**

**BipolarIke**

**Sippurp123**

**FantasmaLuminum**

**MoonDancer**

**Draconis Kitten Sweetie**

**You are all so amazing for reviewing =D thank you all sososososox2 much. **

**Author replies: **

**Mugeetsu21: =). Mugetsu21, thank you very much for reviewing from the beginning, I appreciate every review you have given me, and I am glad that you've read my stories. Thanks for all your reviews, and yup back on my feet, hopefully I won't slip again ;D Thank you. **

**BipolarIke: Yeah, my spring break is funky I don't know, I just know no school! I know poor Ike, I felt bad…oh well, I'm sure he's doing well now =D. Thank you very much for reviewing since the beginning BipolarIke, your reviews were much appreciated =) thank you.**

**Draconis Kitten Sweetie: lols XD. First off, awesome name, very nice, goes well with your ID picture of little mew. I saw all of your reviews and at first I was like damn that's a lot of reviews, but then I went yay~! New review whoohoo~! Thank you so much for reviewing, **

**I don't know if I'll ever do another story. I sort of made this account just for this story, I mean this is like my first one, but after the reviews last chapter, I may write another one, just for you guys…maybe it'll be about Sheik being pregnant =D ooooh that scares me just thinking about it =D**

**Yeah...the dad's gonna be Ike! *evil laughter***

**Thanks guys. =D**

**CircusPuppy. **


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